So I’ve been told that this moody behavior occurs before have your period, but I believe that I suffer from the rare post-menstrual syndrome. For the past few days, I suppose it was definitely induced by my absolutely amazing meet and greet, hug and love with my lovely Jay McGuiness from The Wanted, but I’ve been extremely emotional. It’s rather hard to be this emotional, it’s just, so hard. It’s not just emotional, but I could be supposedly moody or slightly bipolar…
I was just having a dinner with my parents and a family friend that I haven’t seen (nor remember) since I was four or five, around ten years ago. And she was asking me about what subjects I do at school. So I told her, I do 2 units of maths, 4 units of English, textiles and design, and Music 1, where I sing. My mum was smiling at me whilst I told her, smiling of embarrassment. It’s quite sad, I felt like crying, it’s like, this is me, and that’s what I’m good at and love (exempt maths).
To make things worse, she comes from Perth, so she didn’t understand Sydney’s education system, so my dad explained to her how it works (it’s set in units, so I do ten, which is the minimum) and went on to say, “Yeah, she doesn’t do biology, or chemistry, or physics, or biology, or sciences, or chemistry…” intercepted by my mother who says, “Just say science. She doesn’t do any sciences.”. It makes me feel so sad I want to cry, why can’t you just be proud of who your daughter is, can’t you be happy that you had one daughter who did all those subjects and is now going on to study medicine? And this isn’t the first time that they’ve openly portrayed their disappointment in me, they usually do it when family friends are over and ask about school and what I do, as like a, “Yeah she only does those things, but we, like you, think that her subjects are for dummies too.” It’s so embarrassing, especially for the friend who obviously cannot say “Yeah, those subjects are for idiots.” Though some of them do say that (inadvertently).
So am I being over-emotional? I can’t really say. I can’t really decide whether what I’m feeling is allowed or is just me sulking and feeling sorry for myself, am I allowed to sulk in this situation? Is this sulk worthy? Because, I’m not dying, or suffering from an incurable disease, nor am I being abused or horribly treated. But can I get some respect for what I do?
I don’t know. After meeting Jay I just feel, so happy that I’m sad, that I want to cry from overload of happiness. Though, I’m not sure. Because sometimes when I’m really happy, I’m just happy, there’s no sadness or crying. But there was this one time when we had a substitute teacher for maths (our usual math teacher is really, not great at communicating his mathematical ideas to his class, if I say so in a nice way), and this sub (in comparison, like the saying goes, you don’t know what you got till its gone) was amazing. I understood everything she said, and I was literally welling up, inside and out. My eyes were brimming with tears of happiness from this. I guess it was because I’d been subject to such bad teaching for a prolonged period of time and this was just, an oxygen tank of fresh air whilst flying in space.
Was this moment where I cried of happiness, even happier than when I didn’t cry of happiness? That’s the question. Because when I didn’t cry of happiness, when I was just happy from excitement and euphoria, I was just, happy in young love.
It’s the same when I think back to yesterday when I met Jay, I just want to cry from happiness. But I guess it might just be that time of month, where I become a vampire and my emotions are heightened by a gazillion…
Though, some tv show or film told me not to blame my moodiness and actions on my menstrual cycle, because that is anti-feminist and degrades our female gender. Actually, funnily enough, that was my English teacher who said that. Good ‘ol Kenners.
I love you McGuiness,
Just Another Woo Girl
P.s. I love Gold Forever by The Wanted, it’s been stuck in my head, it’s just such a heartfelt and fun song that makes your heart fly up from you chest and into the sky, it’s completely euphoric and nostalgic at the same time. And when I listen to it, it just reminds me of meeting Jay and how amazing it was, and how I didn’t get to say the things I wanted to say like, you’re amazing, and I love you. I literally said, “Hi Jay, can I have a hug?” And he said, “of course, come here” (or something like that, then told me he liked my jumper). And then after asking and getting a photo with his gorgeousness, I said, “thank you!” God, I just let him slip away, didn’t even say anything. I wanted to let the other girls have a turn (yeah lol), I didn’t want to take up too much of him time. Mistake. Oh well…