They say the first step is always the hardest.  That’s exactly how I feel about studying right now.  It’s no exaggeration that I am obsessed with The Wanted right now.  It was the same with One Direction, it’s the most intense in the first few months, when you can’t think of anything else and just want to know everything there is to know about them.  Unlucky for me, this time period is occurring right now, in the middle of my trials.

It’s like an addiction.  I suppose I could say that I am quite an intense person, and when I like something, I like it, but when I love it, I loooooovvvvveeeee it.  It’s an infatuation.  An addiction.

For music, it’s happened to me (the most intensely) with Hannah Montana and Miley, the Jonas Brothers, One Direction, and now The Wanted.  Yes, the prior named are quite the generic eleven year old music tastes, but I will be I, and thou will be thou.

It’s also a reason why I don’t think I want to ever even try a cigarette, on the risk that I might become addicted to smoking.  I’ve been watching Mad Men a lot, I watched the first four seasons in less than two weeks, and every time a character is stressed on the show, oop, out pops the smokes.  They look rather classy whilst doing it as well, probably because the women who smoke are absolutely gorgeous, and the men (oh god Don Draper) are completely sexy as well.  And it made me think, wouldn’t everything be better if I could just do something like that on the side of everything I do?  What I mean to say is, what if I could do something like smoking, whilst reading, or doing work, or something extremely mundane.  I guess it’s like drinking alcohol while working, and those things are forbidden nowadays.

Because as I’m sitting here, I have wasted a whole day with no progress whatsoever on my studies, and I was thinking, maybe it would be more fun if I could smoke whilst doing it?  But the thing is, I don’t actually want to smoke, I just want to have that something to do that I can do when doing other things.  I mean, back in the fifties it was cool and everyone was all worried about nuclear war and the end of the world, so their stresses seemed to piled on top of an already unstable world.  But now, when I see people smoking, on the street or what not, I don’t really think much of it, it doesn’t make you cooler, it doesn’t make you less cool, well maybe it makes me think, “hmmm watch out for lung cancer…”.  What I mean to say is, nowadays smoking isn’t as normalised, maybe it’s because I don’t see it that often.

Wow, I’m touching my hair and it’s really clean because I washed it….

You know what, even this blog is a means of procrastination, and I really need help with procrastinating.  I really cannot will myself to take the first step, I can already envisage if I do, I will end up going backwards anyway.  I guess that’s a bad state of mind, I should think positively, and believe in my self control!  Oh what the hell, I can’t exactly pep talk myself.  People around try to pep talk me, and sometimes it even works, but usually I’m just like, okay, and continue with my self-harming-procratsination.  Well I guess I truly am stubborn, I mean I always knew I was, but I don’t really listen until I’ve experienced it myself.  And even when I do, I seem to just to do it again anyway…

I seriously need a comfy couch in my room.  I’ve moved my bed diagonally into the centre of my room to be closer to my desk and heater to initiate some sort of study.  It hasn’t work.

Though if I think positively, it hasn’t worked… As of yet.

Corn fields,
Just Another Woo Girl

P.s.  I wrote the title after this ramble, it really had nothing to do with poop.  Much to your disappointment I assume.


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