What do I want to be when I grow up?

“What do you want to be when you grow up?

A simple question really, but why do we always get asked it when we’re in primary school?  Is the answer that we give them at that time, when we’re innocent and naïve, how we truly feel as a person, and embody our true dreams?  When I was asked that I used to say, “famous!”  And my sister would mock me saying, “What, a famous murderer?”  What I really meant was I wanted to be a famous singer!  I’ve always wanted to a singer.  In my high school years, the ‘dream’, as you call it, moulded as I began to see reality.  I’m seventeen, it’s not that awesome when a teenager can sing.  The wow factor is intensified by the younger you are, and I know I’m still young, but not relatively.  Plus, there’s a important aspect, called talent.
But if what we want to be when we’re young, our true feelings, should we strive to achieve that dream?  I think while I was watching Glee or something, they said, 95% of people don’t pursue their dreams and settle with something less than what they could ever achieve.  Even if you put your whole heart and soul into something, it still mightn’t work out.  But then again, it could.  Is that a risk I’m willing to take?  Or anyone is willing to take?  There are so many options out there.  I don’t want to go into university thinking, I don’t like this, and this is mundane and so boring.  I want the assignments and things I undertake to be something I am engrossed in, because essentially, whatever you learn in university are the kinds of skills and types of things that you will go on to do in your career.
It’s pretty sad that majority of people don’t live out their dreams.
Then again, what if you wanted to become an astronaut when you grow up?  Lots of little kids say, fire fighters and things.  There is literally no demand for an astronaut.  Are we even still looking at travelling into space anymore, time travel anyone?  Just because Neil got to go, doesn’t mean the rest of us don’t.  Though, if your dream is so far fetched than should you not pursue it?  Which contradicts my idea of the ‘true dream’.
I admire people who know exactly what they want to do, and they strive to achieve goals in order to achieve their dream.  Why can’t that be me?  I was thinking, maybe if I take a gap year or something I will be able to figure out who I am, and who I want to be.  But then, I don’t want to waste a year of my life thinking about what I want to do, and what my passions are.  The only passion I can think of is singing.  I like fashion, and I like dressing well, but I’ve never dreamed of being a famous designer.  I want to be able to start my career before I’m twenty-five.  I was thinking of doing post-grad law or something, and that’d mean I’d finish university around twenty-eight.  Twenty-eight!  That’s almost thirty!  I want to be topping it in my field by then (well not if I was to become a musician, actually I should be aiming for that, because I wouldn’t count on any sort of success when I’m that freaking old…).
So I guess, it can be said, that I want to succeed in any industry before I’m twenty-four, and that’s pushing it.  I just want to be in a girl band, I don’t even care.  Yuck I just looked at my hand and I can see the little holes where the hair comes out of. 
Other than becoming a singer, I’ve always wanted to be a lawyer and study law.  I’m not sure though, just because it is so demanding in studies and career wise.  I’ve always said no to becoming a doctor, I guess that’s probably due to my stubbornness.  Family friends would ask me when I was like five or six if I wanted to be doctor like my dad, and I’d be like, “no way!”  I like to think I was the artistic and creative one of the family.  Am I?  My sister liked to sing, that’s why I sang.  She used to make me sing Spice Girls songs with her when she was fifteen and I was around four.  I heard that anyone can sing, it just takes time, so if you’re singing earlier then you can sing (learnt that from Ed Sheeran).  Beside, I used to sing “I’m horny horny horny tonight” when we were in the markets when I was like four, I didn’t know what it meant.  My sister would tell me to stop singing, and I’d just keep singing because I liked it.  Suckers.
Oh, another reason why I mightn’t be able to study music.  Just because I’m prissy or something, I’ve wanted to go to the University of Sydney.  I love the campus, I love everything about it.  And the best music school in Australia, I believe, is the Conservatorium of Music, which is a school connected to Usyd.  It’s amazing too.  I love Usyd, and thus, I love the Con.  But to get into the Con, you have to study Music Two for the HSC or have Grade Six Musicianship, and you have to audition and take some aural test or jazz aptitude test.  The only thing I can really do is sing, my aural and composition skills are average.
I could study Arts majoring in music, but it’s different.  And if I do study that, it’s so basic.  If it doesn’t work out, I’m fucked.  So if I study a combined degree with Arts, like Arts/Law or Commerce/Law (I’m not really into commerce though, apart from marketing), I’ve got to get a super high ATAR of 99.7 or 94 for the commerce one.  So either way it’s hard.
The other option is to study at AIM, the Australian Institute of Music.  Though, I don’t really see it as nationally recognised.  And you don’t apply through UAC, the normal way, but through application straight to the institute.  Probably because it is an institute, not a university.  They offer a Bachelor of Music as well, and I’d choose performance.  It sounds good.  But it’s such a risk.  I like Law.  Oh how life is hard, and if it’s strenuous now, I can’t even fathom the amounts of depression destined for me in the future.
Oh well.  I will think on…
Just Another Woo Girl


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