There is nothing left in this world for me. Especially because I don’t have hair that is past my boobs… Why hair, why? Why will you not grow? Is it because you split and fall off every time I brush you? But I cannot simply, not brush you, seeing as the tangled mess you become when not brushed is that of a cave woman. I cannot simply, not straighten you, because when brushed, you are just an untamed bush, that needs to be trimmed.
Never again will I tell my hairdresser to cut all the split ends off and signal for her to snip snip snip, at a length, completely inappropriate for myself. I know it’s been a long time since I cut my hair, it hasn’t even grown, maybe one centimetre, but that’s not anything at all! Every time I look at old photos, look at tagged photos, I just, become, immensely emotional that my hair is no longer with me. And the healthy hair I had looked forward to after making the detrimental decision to cut majority of it off, is no where to be found! Somewhat possibly because I bleached and dyed it afterwards… But I used natural dyes! Made of plant products that are good for hair!
Anyway, my friend pointed out to me today that I was being mean, and asked me if I was PMS-ing. This is impossible, as I have just finished my period. But, then I thought, in my mind, is this my, POST-mentrual syndrome, coming again? Is this phase two? Has it been a month since I last had my period and had some vampire emotions in which I get frustrated and angry and feel like crying because everything petty in my life sucks?
To be honest, I feel completely stressed, not even particularly about my upcoming HSC exams, probably because I haven’t dedicated much thought and study towards it (which I should have), but because I’m going to Thailand two days after I finish, and have a formal the day after I come back! So where is the time in which I can buy everything I need for these two events! I swear to god, I don’t know what I will do. And I need to study! I haven’t studied properly at all.
Tomorrow is the last day to put in my uni preferences without a whopping late fee, so I think I have to do that tonight. I mean, I’ve put it in, but they’re all stupid, and half of them, well, I mightn’t even meet the cut off! Other than that, I don’t actually know what I want to do as my career, a bit confused as to what my passions are. All I can think of is being creative, which I can relate to any sort of course, journalism, law, medicine, they all require creativity, architecture, the only thing I can definitely count out is anything to do with finance. Yet I’m still considering Arts/Commerce, because I partly find marketing interesting, because of the fantastic Mad Men. Other than that, no to commerce.
I am also conflicted about universities, UTS offers courses that I enjoy, but Usyd offers the learning environment and people, which, I value and need, in order to enjoy the university experience. And then there’s UNSW, where at the Open Day, I just felt like jumping off a cliff (it was super cold, didn’t much help…).
On another note, I’ve been completely side tracked by YouTube people, far out, JacksGap is the best thing ever. That may be an exaggeration. But Jack Harries is an extremely gorgeous guy, and sometimes his equally gorgeous twin Finn, is in his videos. He basically vlogs and talks about things. It really makes me want to live in London, with One Direction and all these gorgeous British boys, oh my god… And also because the UK is small and is surrounded by all the European countries, it’s like, travelling interstate for me, would be travelling to France or Rome for them. It’s the dream.
Well venting this out has made me feel a bit better.
My mum said she’d give me a five hundred dollar budget for me to buy everything I need for the formal and for Thailand… I dunno… It kind of stresses me out to know that it mightn’t be enough. Well, that’s just the world I live in, I suppose.
Also, today, I’ve been having awfully morbid thoughts about suicide and things like that. Not sure if that’s normal, or if that’s just the vampire within me. But really, if I can’t hack the teenage life, then what makes me think I can hack the grown up one? I suppose, that I’ve realised that being an adult sucks even more than being a teenager, may be a sign of maturity? Or does everyone know that… Except, I still am completely immature, as I can tell by my utter stubbornness, but yeah, I can’t be bothered thinking about that. Study study study, for me. Well, that’s just wishful thinking. More like stu-procrastinate, online shop, sleep, YouTube.
Another thing about that, I suppose it’s that you’re supposed to mature as you grow older, I think I’m behind on the maturing part. Sometimes I think I’ve grown up a bit, but most of the time I just, whatever, because generally, I want to stay young forever.
Anyway, everyone check out JacksGap! He lead me to heaps of other cool channels too, but JacksGap is awesome.
Presenting, the Harries brothers! (They like being called brothers not twins, actually, I suppose they don’t mind, but whatever, what’s typed, is typed…).
Jack and Finn Harries are so effing gorgeous. You can actually tell them apart so easily, they look quite different, yet, similar, which is cute! I don’t even know which one is better looking, I think Finn is so gorgeous, he is model gorgeous, Calvin Klein, Abercrombie and Fitch live model, oh my god. And Jack, he is so flamboyant and cute! Love him! Love them both!
Just Another Woo Girl