Don’t try and tell me you don’t want to see what it would be like to grow old with me

Imagine drinking wine incessantly and you’ll be kissing me on New Years Eve…
I’m listening to You’re In Love by Betty Who thanks to Tyler Oakley!  It’s been stuck in my head all day but for some reason I’ve got to listen to it on SoundCloud because shitty iTunes won’t let me put it on my phone without syncing…  It’s such an eighties sound and I love it.
Anyway, I literally can’t find any fucking articles on Google Scholar for my substitute sociology assignment and it’s really getting me frustrated and angry!  My breathing is stressed even while I’m typing this!  I’m using all the relevant key words but nothing good comes up!  I’ve got two articles which are alright…
I’m sitting in the law library and when I walked in, it was so quiet.  It was scary.  My friend even wanted to go into the Cone of Silence, the ‘quiet study area’.  I’ve read all the confessions and spotted things on facebook and people get dirties for turning a page too loudly, and breathing.  No way was I going in there.  My friend had described this such phenomenon to me before, and she said that during the day time the sun shone directly from above the cone (there’s like a massive sun roof) and it’s as if there’s a godly beam of light streaming down that should be accompanied by an “Ahhhhhhhh!”
Anyway, I should get back to studying again seeing as this is my substitute assignment.  I was at my sociology lecture today with Salvatore, he is the greatest lecturer ever because he is so kind!!  Everyone says that sociology is really easy, and I can’t really say because I haven’t done the work, but the real reason why it’s so easy is because of Salvatore!  He is so kind and sympathetic!  Basically the exam is multiple choice and really simple and straightforward, unlike the psych exam which is full of tricks.  And the lowest mark you can get is 40/100!  Even if you get zero you’ll still get 40% because he says, that even in an essay, if you actually attempt it properly but it’s crap you won’t get under 40.  Only if it’s not a real attempt will you get under!  So that makes me feel a whole lot better!  So great!  But kind of annoying some two guys behind me kept remarking how they were getting HDs and how Salvatore was nice.  Just shut up, or learn how to whisper.  You know you’re doing it right when no one else can hear you.  And obviously they were doing it wrong.
My friend was like, what are you doing? (while I was typing).  I said, “writing in my blog.”  She like, “Oh, that’s why you were typing so fast.”  I don’t think I could ever even imagine myself typing so fast when writing an essay.   Eugh, even thinking about writing an essay in an exam is giving me anxiety!  I literally know nothing about anything.  Life.
Oh my god Game of Thrones last night.  Fuck, it was crazy!  But so perfect.  The credits with the silence, godly.  We were discussing it, as you do, and basically I was like to my friends, don’t tell me, no spoilers!  And they continued to talk about it ‘without spoilers’ but they spoiled it.  I never want to talk about Game of Thrones with anyone it fucking ruins everything.  And then they try to take the spoiler back, but they can’t.  Eughhh!!!!  Erks me man.
Also, I was gonna watch Gatsby with my old tutoring class but now they’ve all seen it, and I don’t really want to watch it by myself (technically not true).  Life.  Oh life.
I can’t do uni.  Mehhhhhhhhhhhh.
Just Another Woo Girl

A substantial crisis

So for the past few days I’ve had somewhat of a substantial crisis.  Some of you may agree, and some of you may not.  Meh.  Anyway, so I’ve had these two essays due for sociology and anthropology.  Both of which, were due on the same day, I think exactly two weeks ago! And basically, the protocol for late assessments (well my understanding) is that you can only hand them in with the normal penalty, before the date they’re handed back to everyone else. I think I’m actually so stupid, or so weary over study things right now…  But anyway, a few nights ago I was thinking to myself, holy shit, it’s actually been almost two weeks now and that means minus twenty marks for me!
And knowing this, it’s pretty draining.  By this time, I find it impossible for me to actually achieve a pass, which means I will fail.  Psychology is an example of this.  But if I look at my anthropology assignment one, I got a high credit, so I could possible still have a chance of passing that unit.  But whatever.
Anyway, last night I checked my uni email and there was one from my lecturer.  It basically stated some facts about the course, upcoming things like exams.  But one in particularly, became the bane of my existence.  The sociology essay was being handed back on Thursday.  You know what that means.  I quote, the “hard deadline” is tomorrow.  Which in present terms, is today.  I was like holy shit, my life.  
To be honest at that point, I didn’t realise the extremity of my position and what actual implications it meant for my future.  But after deliberating with my friends at 4:30pm today, 5.5 hours before it was due, I realised it meant I would automatically fail the unit, if I didn’t hand it in.  Which means I’d either have to take five units in a semester which is 16 hours for me, or do an extra year/semester.  No way.  So the email from my lecturer said, so nicely, “If you don’t think you can meet the deadline, email me and we can discuss a solution.”  Even though it was a gentle and kind leeway, I was still afraid to email him.
I mean, I see my lecturer as a distant figure, a tiny person at the bottom of the hall, chattering away.  Kind of like a celebrity.  I don’t talk to them.  Even when they look at you, how can you know if they’re looking at you.  You don’t smile at them when they look at you in a lecture, you just continue to listen intently and maybe stare back at them.  I find the relationship to be much like a famous musician at a concert, and I, a tiny speck in the crowd.  A tutor is more relatable and approachable.  I mean, for sociology, my lecturer has this thing after a lecture where he shouts students coffees a Taste.  I’ve never gone.  Don’t really plan on going.  But kind of sad that I’ve never gone, seeing as I don’t plan on doing sociology next semester.
You know what, I was so set on doing psychology into senior years, even though I flunked out and it was really hard, I still found it so interesting.  But now I find out you have to do some entire big thing on statistics, and maybe neuroscience.  This could be the death of me! I know if I put the time and effort in, I can do it, but…  No!  I can’t think like that!  Next semester, it’s all in, all brains!  Your brain is a muscle and it needs to be trained, otherwise it turns to moosh!!  True stuff.
Back to the essay.  Anyway, I ended up emailing him with the help of my friends guiding me with what to say.  And he replied to me saying that I can do a substitute assignment, even though it’s completely different.  Fine with me!!  So yeah, pretty ecstatic!  
I think the whole point of this post was to say, that this was really and extremely bad, I thought I’d have ages to do the essay before the hard deadline, but turns out I didn’t.  I was even more fucked than I have ever been.  More fucked that handing in an assignment so late the penalty marks end up failing it.  I mean, this would have meant I’d automatically fail the entire course.  So I’m glad.
Except now, I was kind of really chirpy when I was starting this post.  But now I realise, I can’t be.  This is only the beginning.  I’ve still got to do my entire anth essay before Monday morning.  I’ve got two things on this weekend so I’ve got to work hard.
Another thing.  I was planning to go to both my tutes today (since I had a presentation in one and missed my limit for the other) and then going home straight after to finish the essay and hand it in before 10pm.  But I got a text from my friend asking me if I was going to my lecture.  How convenient.  I hadn’t decided yet, but that made my decision all the more easy.  No I wasn’t.  So I hung out with her, and my other friend came from the lecture we were supposed to be in.  She also does sociology, and she was the one who said, I have to email him!  So if I hadn’t decided to be a bad student and not go home and do the essay, I wouldn’t of had an important discussion with my friend that would have allowed me to not fail the unit! I mean realistically, I highly doubt I would’ve been able to finish a really crappy essay anyway.  So what’s the moral of this story?  What is the lesson?  It seems that being bad has rewarded me…  (Oooo philosophical).
Anyway, I should do my anth essay now.  I’m actually at my local library right now!  Haven’t been here since the HSC.  It’s kind of weird.  So many HSC students, I feel out of place.  Wish I had my anth reader with me…  I’ll figure something out.  Or I’ll do my SONA stuff.  I signed up for some study about medicine, it’s online, it’s 2 hours long and fucking the most boring shit ever…  So I guess I’ll do more of that.
Out sistas,

Just Another Woo Girl


So hello, I am so not in the mood for life.  I collected my philosophy essay today after my tutorial.  My tutor told our class that no one failed, so yay, I was happy to hear that.  Other than that, I got my essay back, and to be honest, I saw the mark and thought, meh.  I didn’t want to read the comments because I was with a friend, and was hungry and rather not be bummed out from the comments.  I mean, I scraped a pass with my ten mark loss, so the comments wouldn’t be praising.  I was already in the pass zone without the penalty, so you can probably guess how low I scored…
I love my tutor though, he’s so cool.  Such an awesome tutor.  If I compare him to my other two tutors, he is better infinitely…  I’m seriously rethinking taking philosophy next semester, I’m obviously shit.  In fact, I scored ‘poor’ on referencing and bibliography.  That’s not all that crucial to the content, but he also commented that I said that other academics said something that they actually didn’t…  Fml.  That’s pretty important.  And basically I suck at everything.  Although, he ended the comments with, good work!  I’m not sure how to take that.  I wonder what he says on HD essays, “Incredibly amazing young Einstein!”  Fml.  If he’s saying good work to make me feel better, then, I don’t know.  If he says it but actually means it in a mediocre way that is representative of my work, meaning he thinks my shit is actually good, then that’s sad for me.  I don’t even know what I’m talking about anymore.
Also the comments he left where quite vague, and I guess I’m not good at all with criticism even though I know my essay sucks.  I don’t even have the will or want to do my two late essays now.  This is the worst time of my life.  It was tough enough for me to do the philosophy and psychology essays, let alone anthropology and sociology essays that were due on the same day.  In fact, it will be a ten mark penalty by tomorrow.  If these were the first essays to do, I’d probably have a more optimistic outlook and pull an all nighter.
The thing is, I just can’t be fucked, but then I don’t want to fail.  If I attempt the essay I could scrape by with a pass.  But now, I don’t even know if I will since it’ll be so late.  I don’t want to live if living is like this.  What can I do?  I don’t mean this as, what can I do – do my essay.  I mean, what can I do – this course is not for me.  Or maybe these subjects are not for me.  
Will I go out this week?  I kind of just feel like chilling, and if it’s at night, chilling at a bar with live music and going home at like eleven or twelve…  Nothing really calls to me.  The last time I went clubbing was to Pontoon (an asian club) and basically, meh, that encapsulates the whole night.  I’m not sure whether it’s the club (highly likely and influential since, blurgh) or just that it’s not as fun as it was when I went out the first time.  Also, every time I go out, I would only go if I know how I’m getting home.  And now, even when people who live near me go out, they go home a different way with other people so it’s kind of a hopeless and stupid situation.  
Actually it’s weird.  I feel like everyone wants to go out clubbing but all I want to do is go shopping and chill.  It’s like a complete turn around from last holidays…  Life.  But I don’t have any money.  I had a lot of money last holidays.  Meh.  I wonder why I feel so down, is it because I’m going to get my period soon?  Is it because I’m failing uni?  Is it because I have no money which is stopping me from fulfilling my material wishes?  To be honest, if I had a lot, I mean even more than what I had last holidays, I would be able to go out and just get a cab home, but I can’t.
So what I learnt today in psych is to live in the present.  It’s kind of a generic motto.  But the real question is how do you live in the present?  What I’m doing now, writing in my blog, doesn’t seem that fulfilling or amazing, it’s not propelling myself into some sort of awesome future.  
Actually I read this really creepy and distressing story on reddit, I’ll link it here.  It could also be a reason why my mood is not lifted… (Click to read the scary story).  It really is an intense story, gets you right in the thick of it all…
And fuck, I forgot to do my weekly psychology quiz.  Fuck my life.  I’d set an alarm for Sunday afternoons, and I always do it, but I saw the alarm, and forgot about it…
Arts…  What a waste.  Unless you are amazing at one field, it’s so pointless.  My life is pointless…  My studies are pointless…  I don’t think I have clinical depression but I read somewhere people who sleep a lot could be depressed…  
And as I sit here typing feeling sorry for myself, I could start on my sociology essay.  I’m really going to fail.  I really, truly, am.  I will.  I can’t even hold an optimistic view…  My hair gets so greasy to quickly now.  I’m pretty sure I washed it yesterday and now it feels a bit oily.  Maybe it’s because I sprayed it with hairspray…  Putting on some Jedward to make me feel better.
Oh I love listening to Lana Del Rey when I’m walking or going places, it makes me feel like I’m in a movie or something, soundtrack to my life!  Fun.
Just Another Woo Girl

Dreaming of bantering with The Wanted

I have some majorly serious procrastination issues, and I feel like even calling them simply ‘procrastination issues’ is an understatement and gives it some sort of power that it doesn’t actually have, I mean, the problem isn’t procrastination, the problem is me procrastinating, me!  Anyway, so basically to my body’s dismay, I slept the whole day.  The thing is, I can say that I didn’t want to, because I did, just to get away from doing my assignments.  So even though my mind is bright, my body is seriously dragging me down, oversleeping is a curse, now I know why Sleeping Beauty didn’t want to sleep anymore…  She must’ve felt like death when she woke up, aside from the fact that a sexy prince was the one to kiss her awake…

So on the plus side, I had another incredibly amazing and vivid dream, better than any yet, about The Wanted.  It makes me sad that I can’t remember the details of it, since I dreamt it maybe four hours ago, but I’ll try to recount the highlights, for my and maybe your pleasure.

I think we were in a shopping centre, me and all five of the boys.  Nathan’s voice was fine.  I think we were in Top Shop or something similar like Sportsgirl with a vintage section (I really want to go shopping and buy new pants because it’s getting cold).  And I’m not all that sure what happened after but I ended up sitting around this table in the shopping centre on some couches.  I was sitting next to Jay (my love) and all the boys were around, we were just talking and laughing about things I again don’t remember.  Then I think we started singing along to their new single Walks Like Rihanna and we were all miming and bopping and making faces at each other, and I think this was the best time of my dream life.  I can’t really specify as to what we were talking about so it’s a bit vague as to why it was fun, but I remember me and all the boys in the dream really laughing and just being crazy!  Ah fun times in my dream.  Me and Jay, oh if only there was such a thing!  Only in my vivid dreams.  Bantering, smiling, laughing…

And then I woke up.  And I tried to go back to sleep so the dream could continue, but as we all know, it never happens…  The Wanted left Sydney yesterday and my heart is breaking, I wish they were here for longer, or lived here, or I don’t even know, they flew off to Melbourne and are off to Japan tonight or tomorrow.  But I feel so lucky and privileged that they chose to perform their latest single live for the first time in Australia!  And in Sydney too, my home town!  Amazing, I love them so much!  When are they seriously going to tour Australia?!

One Direction also announced their 2014 Where We Are Tour!!  I’m so excited!!!  I want to go so badly!  Oh those boys, I love them all!  Anyway, got two essays to write which I haven’t started and they were due two days ago!  At least these are for anthropology and sociology, so it’s two marks a working day…

It hit me recently, that I actually am so angry and annoyed that my sister told me sociology was so incredibly interesting..!!  Fuck no!!!!  And then she’s like to me, “Whoops!  Got sociology and social psychology mixed up!”  Now I realise HOW FUCKING PISSED OFF I AM!!!  Sociology is the damned most boring subject of them all, I seriously do not give a fucking fuck about the content!  And I know social psychology is interesting, because I’m doing psychology!!  If I didn’t change to fucking most boring sociology, I could be doing fun and easy linguistics!!!!!!  FUCK MY LIFE!!!!  Linguistics doesn’t even have an exam at the end!!!  Fucking hell.  Never listening to my sister again.

Just Another Woo Girl

Yesterday I was so mindfucked

Yesterday I was so mindfucked.  As always, I set my alarm super early the night before in hopes that I’ll wake up at seven o’clock and embark on a vigorous study journey before uni.  And as always, I snooze the alarm every half an hour, and if I’m diligent, every ten minutes.  Pretty much, I’m depriving myself of actual REM sleep by letting my alarm attempt to wake me up every half an hour instead of actually sleeping.  Plus, once the first alarm as woken me up I tend to be half awake whilst sleeping anyway, thinking of the latest time possible I can wake up.
So yesterday I start uni at one in the afternoon.  It’s a tutorial so I have to go.  I know I have to go.  And I want to go because I have to.  So I’m thinking to myself, I’ll wake up at eleven, give myself an hour to get ready and an hour to get to uni.  Pleased with myself, I drag my lazy ass body out of bed at around eleven twenty, there’s still major time, I think to myself.  Blah blah blah I miss the train, so I’m power walking, now, really actually power walking to the next train station.  I’ve made it in time, and even bought my weekly ticket in less than a minute!  I’m quite happy with myself.
I walk to uni, and I need to pee, I look at my watch, there’s still ten minutes till class starts, perfect.  I go to the toilet and am about to cross city road when I look at my watch.  It’s two pm.  It’s two pm?!?!?!  What the fuck?!  My tute starts at one!  I check my phone, it’s two pm!!  I feel like, what the fuck is happening?!  I come all the way to uni to go to this one boring ass tute and I’ve completely missed it?!?!  I was so sure I was going to be on time, from the moment I woke up!  I didn’t miss the train, in fact, I was faster than I have ever been from home to uni!  I want to ask someone what the time is, but I don’t; too weird.  So I call my friend, she doesn’t pick up.  How nice.  So I walk towards the building my tute is in, hoping that maybe my time is wrong and that everyone is waiting outside the classroom waiting to go in.  But no, as I’m walking, I see my friend whose also in my tute.  What the fuck?!  She’s leaving!!  Sigh pie.  I literally didn’t even know what happened.  I was so completely clueless, it was just like, why, why did this even happen.
She tells me that the tutor said this is the second tute that I’ve missed.  I don’t particularly remember the first one…  Anyway, what a waste.  I had and still have that psychology assignment to do, I still haven’t started writing it properly and it’s due tomorrow at four!  Well actually it was due last week at four, but I have to get it in tomorrow!  Oh my god!!  Tomorrow is today!!!!!  Far out.
Anyway, I was thinking about this the whole of yesterday, how on earth did I miss the tute?  Did I read my analogue clock wrong?  Was the clock downstairs wrong?  Were the clocks off all together.  Then I finally realised, it was because I am stupid.  I mis-calculated the times, and thought I had to be at uni by two instead of one.  Basically, I was still at home when the tutorial had already started.
Just Another Woo Girl

Sleepy is cute but it’s not tired

I was just procrastinating and reading through some of my old blog posts from September last year, one specifically entitled, Dermatology win!  To be honest, I did win, but I didn’t even do anything about it.  My dad gave me a referral letter and I’m pretty sure I’ve lost it.  I mean, this was at least six months ago, and I’ve changed my room around, and everything’s different.  I really do wonder where I put that letter…  I bet I put it in my skinny bookshelf when I got it, like behind some books because I had a habit of slotting all the school, board of studies, and uni letters there.  It’s normal, I think, I mean, I don’t even get that many letters so where the hell would I put them?  I should probably start researching a way to keep my letters in check, seeing as I’m finally growing up!  I don’t know if I’ve let the bloggosphere know, but I applied for my own debit card a few months back.  It was pretty invigorating…  That’s not the right word, but you get the gist.  

Also, blogger, I’ve made other accounts on tumblr and wordpress:

I’m still not sure which out of the three I like best.  I love how wordpress has prettier themes, uses categories, and widgets, but then you have to pay for actual customisable themes.  And I’m so broke right now, I have no money in my bank.  But yay!  My old english tutor offered me a job as his assistant, so I’ll see how that goes, I’m excited!  I like tumblr because I think it’s more accessible, but then maybe my blog-style isn’t suited to it.  I like the themes on tumblr too, they’re alright.  Blogger is just ugly, or really boring and generic, also it doesn’t have categories, widgets, it’s probably harder to use, and a con for me is that it’s so simplistic.  But I love the stats page, it’s so easy.

Meh.  I have a psych essay to write for Wednesday.  It was due last Wednesday.  Fuck my life.  I feel so, meh all the time.  I’ll try to source references and articles tonight and read them tomorrow morning.  I’ll only have less that 24 hours including procrastination time to finish it.  And I absolutely have to finish it, I can’t lose another ten marks on top of my current negative ten.  It makes me sad.  I feel so stupid saying that, “I’m sad.”  Lol.  I can’t believe I’ve been “lol-ing” on my blog, I never wanted to.  I should probably just stop and try expressing myself better like I used to.  I want to say it again.

I’m tired.  I read a tumblr post that was like, “sleepy is such a cute word, why don’t we just always say sleepy instead of tired?!”  (I thought sleepy was so cute before this post, I’m not hipster).  And then someone’s like “I’m fucking sleepy of your shit.”  And that was so funny.  I laughed so tiredly.  The reason we don’t say sleepy instead of tired is because there’s actually a fucking difference.  I don’t mean to call the person who posted it a douche bag because sleepy is actually a cute word, but it is no replacement for tired.  Sleepy is associated with happiness, like you’re so sleepy from having an amazing but relentless day.  Tired is bad, it sucks, I associate it with being in the state I’m in now.  Tired from doing shit that wasn’t all that enjoyable, or specifically to my case, tired from doing jack shit.  Tired from sitting on the computer half-assedly attempting to do an essay.  Tired because I’m to pussy to try and figure out what I’m supposed to do because it’s just too hard.  Hard.  Hard.  Tired…

1:15am.  I thought to myself, try and think of it as due tomorrow morning.  But then I continued to write this post.  So it didn’t work.  After this post, I’ll close all these bullshit procrastination windows and try and fucking use PsychINFO.  Seriously, the fuck.  PsychINFO is so hard to use, if everyone is such a genius why don’t they make it a user-friendly interface, fucking hell.  I’m so tired.  PsychINFO, fuck you.  I love Google Scholar, it was so easy.  I took it for granted, fuck you PsychINFO, just, fuck you.  Fuck yourself.  

Just Another Woo Girl

Apocalypse from a Word Document

Life?  What is it?  Life is only life when there’s death.  But really, for our contemporary tech teens and adult youths, what is life, what is life without Internet?  Or maybe more broadly, electricity?  Is it really a life worth living?  Well of course it is, I’d still rather be alive with no electricity, and maybe imagine myself in a simpler time like that depicted in the Peter Rabbit cartoon, or even further back.  I mean, I’m imagining to myself something I’ve watched on television, living in the woods or the forest, running across open plains and picking lilac coloured flowers that are actually just weeds.  Bringing them home to my Caucasian mother, exclaiming, “Mother!  Look what I did today!”  And the shot would open to a birds-eye view of a wooden table as I fan out these majestic purple weed flowers with long green stems.  Wow this description is so sexist.

When planning to write this blog post as of five minutes ago, I was going to rant about my annoyed-ness of the current situation, but that description of a land distant, with the 3:51pm sunlight shining directly into my room and leaving it with a golden haze, has actually been an immensely calming experience.

So I’m currently suffering from a blackout.  Already I can feel a slight rise of the five minutes of pent up frustration from merely talking about it.  And I’m thinking to myself, maybe I should just go back and describe a patriarchal woodland bliss, and be content in calmness, and just, chill.  But I still want to express what I’m going through, by bringing back up the annoyed feelings.  It seems kind of sadist.

I can hear my dad saying to the neighbours, it’s a blackout.  Seriously, I think the ‘blackout’ is in the whole block.  The reason why I am pissed off, apart from the lack of Internet, is that I was really getting stuck into my work, finally!  I mean, an update: I’ve got almost 600 words of word vomit for philosophy, and I was five questions into my weekly psych quiz (which, by the way, is actually worth something as well).  Fucking hell, I hope the psych quiz doesn’t reload itself!  I was actually feeling quite smart; I was understanding the questions without even having to do the readings.  Trusty ol’ Google.

I don’t know what I’m going to do.  The psych quiz ends at 9am tomorrow, and if the internet doesn’t come back on, or more importantly the power, I’m fucked!  Not to mention infinitely more times fucked for philosophy since it’s already late!  I need the internet.  Well actually I suppose I could make some progress for philosophy without the internet, but it was my safety blanket, and now it’s just scary.

You know the first thing that came to my mind when I had the blackout, was that, I can actually apply for special considerations for my psych assignment!  Or maybe I can’t…  Could be worth a try!  And I might try, as long as I don’t actually have to consult anyone in person.

It’s like the middle of Autumn now and it’s still so freaking hot!  Don’t get me wrong, I love hot weather!  I love it in Summer and Spring.  But I was and still am really looking forward to wearing my high waisted American Apparel jeans and riding pants, layering and snuggling up in warm coats, beanies and gloves!  I miss New York, oh how I do.  That time in New York in November, it wasn’t snowing yet, but it was perfect, probably even more perfect.  The weather was cool and chilly, but the sun was always out, and it drizzled I think only once when I was there!  Lovely!  I would’ve loved to see the snow, but that can wait for another time.  New York City, I love you.  Anyway, I loved snuggling up in my massive navy coat with beautiful soft grey faux fur in the hood!  It went down to half thigh and made it all the more fun to wear pants!  Which I normally never do!

Anyway, I’m gonna try and do some of my philosophy essay, and hopefully, when the electricity is back up, I can finish the psych quiz! The psych quiz is much more straightforward than the essay…

Ciao Amigos,
Just Another Woo Girl

Why do we procrastinate?

Sometimes I procrastinate so far as to wonder to myself, why is it that i procrastinate?  And then I think, it’s because I’m doing something I’m not all that interested in.  But then I think of the times when I’ve procrastinated from things that when given the task, I’d initially thought, that’d be fun and easy!  And then I’d procrastinate anyway.

I kind of think it might have something to do with the actual pressure of having to achieve something, to some higher standard, than what I will actually achieve in reality.

Fucking philosophy, seriously.  Update on my essay progress: none.  Zero, zilch, words have been written.  Although, plus: I’ve finished doing the readings.  The last article I had to read was actually much simpler than the language used by fucking Kant.  Which, made it all the more interesting to read.  But I fear, yes fear, that because I simply read, and didn’t take notes, that I’ve forgotten everything.  I guess that’s another reason as to why I haven’t started writing the essay yet.

All this pressure.  Not only is my philosophy essay late, and I haven’t started it.  I still have another psychology essay due on Wednesday which, that too, I haven’t started!  And what’s infinitely worse, is that, because psych is from the science faculty, not the Arts faculty, each day the essay is late (apparently) is a 10% penalty!!  But I read on the handbook that it’s 10% per week…  I can’t even be sure.

I mean, this is what it says:

So I think it means what I think it means…  I don’t know if I can risk losing that much.  That would be a 3% loss to my overall mark which doesn’t seem that bad…

Anyway, back to the point.  The question I ask, why do we procrastinate?  But instead of asking, maybe it’s that we should just DO.  I mean, even though everyone comes to this conclusion, or when talking to friends, they’ll just tell you to FUCKING JUST DO IT, but it’s like, something inside of you is afraid of failure?  Meh, what the fuck.  This is just my way of procrastinating.

Fuck all, man,
Just Another Woo Girl

I finally understand the life of a musician + late essay woes

So after handing in late my first assignment yesterday, I can now move on to my second assignment that’s due this Wednesday…  So I logged onto Blackboard to look at the notification on what it is we’re supposed to do, some sort of essay which I am completely clueless about, with readings that I haven’t done.  I truly suck.

And saw on the corner an announcement from anthropology, “Late Short Essays.”  This is obviously relevant to me, so clicked on it and basically slowly began to shit bricks.  My body temperature actually rose.  It said we had to read the unit of study outline about late work.  And I thought, oh shit, was I supposed to hand in my essay to a separate place for late work?  And turns out I lose 2% of the raw mark, not 2 marks, everyday.  So if that were true, I’d have to go into uni again and hand it in, 3 DAYS LATE!!!!!!!  I don’t even know how much loss that is but it is a shit load more than what I have done!!!  Anyway, luckily after about seven minutes of panicking and clicking links and finding the words “late submission” I think I can almost firmly say that I think I’ve handed in my essay to the right place…  I’d actually misread one of the lines saying: any essay submitted after the return date will not be marked, as, that any late essay will not be marked.  I actually started to stress out less thinking that yes, I had actually failed this course, and that, I didn’t even really care.

Halfway through this I was considering emailing my tutor and asking him the actual protocol since the information provided was scattered every-fucking-where all over the internet and on pdf files…  But then I decided to just search harder since he didn’t reply to my first email I sent him.  So pretty much needless to say that there’s no point emailing my anthropology tutor.  I was going to generalise and say all tutors, but my philosophy tutor emailed, I think everyone he has, saying to email him an essay outline.  And I would, and it made me so happy to know he cared about us individually, but I haven’t started nor have I done my readings…  I feel really bad that I haven’t done any work because even though he doesn’t make jokes and things like my anthropology tutor, I think he might actually be better.  I don’t know if my anthropology tutor is my favourite anymore, my friend said that the girl sitting next to her found him obnoxious and annoying.  Also, my sociology tutor emailed my group assignment group on the process of the youtube video and I was planning to reply, but then didn’t because I actually hadn’t started editing our video.  But I got it done in a day, a week before it was due, so, diligent me…

Now I think maybe I really should have done media and communications at UTS, seeing as MeCo at USYD is apparently the shittest and all the other unis laugh at us.  I really had so much fun being interviewed by people at the Optus Rockcorps concert!  But also when I was watching the performers in the zone, and jumping around really enjoying themselves, I wish I could do that too.  It would be amazing.  I also realised that the stories many songs tell, of travelling around the world and living your dream yet being separated from the ones you love and the sadness that comes from that – basically the sadness and the happiness and how you’ve gotten everything you wanted but less of what you really need.  Holy shit, I’m pretty sure that’s a lyric to some song I don’t remember right now – you got what you want, but not what you need.  Well actually, that’s also a line applicable to the generic love song as well…  But basically, I felt as though, while watching The Script perform, was that they were living that exact life.  Their songs about love and loss, The Man Who Can’t Be Moved, the immensity of a musicians passion is limitless, they are like vampires and every emotion they feel is heightened and expressed in such a way that all human beings can relate and feel those same emotions relating to their own lives through melody and lyrics.  It’s truly amazing.  It made me feel sad and happy at the same time.  What’s even the word for that emotion.  I feel so juvenile talking about happy and sad.  Joy and melancholy?  I don’t even know.  The Script were amazing.

Anyway, I still am not completely sure if I handed in my assignment correctly and I feel sort of lost in a way that I can’t email my tutor because I won’t get a reply, but I’ve exhausted all the online resources for reliable information and still am not completely sure.

Also, I’m hungry and I don’t want to eat because it’s past 11 and I don’t want to gain weight, yet, I’m hungry.  Or maybe this is normal, and people feel slightly empty in their stomachs all the time.  The thing is when I was eating dinner, I actually ate until I was full, but now I’m just hungry again.  Is it because I’m bored?  I mean, I was watching YouTube videos, and new episodes of my favourite shows.  Well, actually for the past half hour I think I’ve just been scrolling through my social media news feeds reading uninteresting and un-stimulating articles…  Well, I hope I will have the will to restrain from going downstairs to the kitchen to eat junk.  I actually have a block of hazelnut Godiva chocolate in my draw…  Sigh pie 101.

Heading out tomorrow night, I have no clothes to wear.  Poo poo poo.

Down and out,
Just Another Woo Girl