Don’t try and tell me you don’t want to see what it would be like to grow old with me

Imagine drinking wine incessantly and you’ll be kissing me on New Years Eve…
I’m listening to You’re In Love by Betty Who thanks to Tyler Oakley!  It’s been stuck in my head all day but for some reason I’ve got to listen to it on SoundCloud because shitty iTunes won’t let me put it on my phone without syncing…  It’s such an eighties sound and I love it.
Anyway, I literally can’t find any fucking articles on Google Scholar for my substitute sociology assignment and it’s really getting me frustrated and angry!  My breathing is stressed even while I’m typing this!  I’m using all the relevant key words but nothing good comes up!  I’ve got two articles which are alright…
I’m sitting in the law library and when I walked in, it was so quiet.  It was scary.  My friend even wanted to go into the Cone of Silence, the ‘quiet study area’.  I’ve read all the confessions and spotted things on facebook and people get dirties for turning a page too loudly, and breathing.  No way was I going in there.  My friend had described this such phenomenon to me before, and she said that during the day time the sun shone directly from above the cone (there’s like a massive sun roof) and it’s as if there’s a godly beam of light streaming down that should be accompanied by an “Ahhhhhhhh!”
Anyway, I should get back to studying again seeing as this is my substitute assignment.  I was at my sociology lecture today with Salvatore, he is the greatest lecturer ever because he is so kind!!  Everyone says that sociology is really easy, and I can’t really say because I haven’t done the work, but the real reason why it’s so easy is because of Salvatore!  He is so kind and sympathetic!  Basically the exam is multiple choice and really simple and straightforward, unlike the psych exam which is full of tricks.  And the lowest mark you can get is 40/100!  Even if you get zero you’ll still get 40% because he says, that even in an essay, if you actually attempt it properly but it’s crap you won’t get under 40.  Only if it’s not a real attempt will you get under!  So that makes me feel a whole lot better!  So great!  But kind of annoying some two guys behind me kept remarking how they were getting HDs and how Salvatore was nice.  Just shut up, or learn how to whisper.  You know you’re doing it right when no one else can hear you.  And obviously they were doing it wrong.
My friend was like, what are you doing? (while I was typing).  I said, “writing in my blog.”  She like, “Oh, that’s why you were typing so fast.”  I don’t think I could ever even imagine myself typing so fast when writing an essay.   Eugh, even thinking about writing an essay in an exam is giving me anxiety!  I literally know nothing about anything.  Life.
Oh my god Game of Thrones last night.  Fuck, it was crazy!  But so perfect.  The credits with the silence, godly.  We were discussing it, as you do, and basically I was like to my friends, don’t tell me, no spoilers!  And they continued to talk about it ‘without spoilers’ but they spoiled it.  I never want to talk about Game of Thrones with anyone it fucking ruins everything.  And then they try to take the spoiler back, but they can’t.  Eughhh!!!!  Erks me man.
Also, I was gonna watch Gatsby with my old tutoring class but now they’ve all seen it, and I don’t really want to watch it by myself (technically not true).  Life.  Oh life.
I can’t do uni.  Mehhhhhhhhhhhh.
Just Another Woo Girl

A substantial crisis

So for the past few days I’ve had somewhat of a substantial crisis.  Some of you may agree, and some of you may not.  Meh.  Anyway, so I’ve had these two essays due for sociology and anthropology.  Both of which, were due on the same day, I think exactly two weeks ago! And basically, the protocol for late assessments (well my understanding) is that you can only hand them in with the normal penalty, before the date they’re handed back to everyone else. I think I’m actually so stupid, or so weary over study things right now…  But anyway, a few nights ago I was thinking to myself, holy shit, it’s actually been almost two weeks now and that means minus twenty marks for me!
And knowing this, it’s pretty draining.  By this time, I find it impossible for me to actually achieve a pass, which means I will fail.  Psychology is an example of this.  But if I look at my anthropology assignment one, I got a high credit, so I could possible still have a chance of passing that unit.  But whatever.
Anyway, last night I checked my uni email and there was one from my lecturer.  It basically stated some facts about the course, upcoming things like exams.  But one in particularly, became the bane of my existence.  The sociology essay was being handed back on Thursday.  You know what that means.  I quote, the “hard deadline” is tomorrow.  Which in present terms, is today.  I was like holy shit, my life.  
To be honest at that point, I didn’t realise the extremity of my position and what actual implications it meant for my future.  But after deliberating with my friends at 4:30pm today, 5.5 hours before it was due, I realised it meant I would automatically fail the unit, if I didn’t hand it in.  Which means I’d either have to take five units in a semester which is 16 hours for me, or do an extra year/semester.  No way.  So the email from my lecturer said, so nicely, “If you don’t think you can meet the deadline, email me and we can discuss a solution.”  Even though it was a gentle and kind leeway, I was still afraid to email him.
I mean, I see my lecturer as a distant figure, a tiny person at the bottom of the hall, chattering away.  Kind of like a celebrity.  I don’t talk to them.  Even when they look at you, how can you know if they’re looking at you.  You don’t smile at them when they look at you in a lecture, you just continue to listen intently and maybe stare back at them.  I find the relationship to be much like a famous musician at a concert, and I, a tiny speck in the crowd.  A tutor is more relatable and approachable.  I mean, for sociology, my lecturer has this thing after a lecture where he shouts students coffees a Taste.  I’ve never gone.  Don’t really plan on going.  But kind of sad that I’ve never gone, seeing as I don’t plan on doing sociology next semester.
You know what, I was so set on doing psychology into senior years, even though I flunked out and it was really hard, I still found it so interesting.  But now I find out you have to do some entire big thing on statistics, and maybe neuroscience.  This could be the death of me! I know if I put the time and effort in, I can do it, but…  No!  I can’t think like that!  Next semester, it’s all in, all brains!  Your brain is a muscle and it needs to be trained, otherwise it turns to moosh!!  True stuff.
Back to the essay.  Anyway, I ended up emailing him with the help of my friends guiding me with what to say.  And he replied to me saying that I can do a substitute assignment, even though it’s completely different.  Fine with me!!  So yeah, pretty ecstatic!  
I think the whole point of this post was to say, that this was really and extremely bad, I thought I’d have ages to do the essay before the hard deadline, but turns out I didn’t.  I was even more fucked than I have ever been.  More fucked that handing in an assignment so late the penalty marks end up failing it.  I mean, this would have meant I’d automatically fail the entire course.  So I’m glad.
Except now, I was kind of really chirpy when I was starting this post.  But now I realise, I can’t be.  This is only the beginning.  I’ve still got to do my entire anth essay before Monday morning.  I’ve got two things on this weekend so I’ve got to work hard.
Another thing.  I was planning to go to both my tutes today (since I had a presentation in one and missed my limit for the other) and then going home straight after to finish the essay and hand it in before 10pm.  But I got a text from my friend asking me if I was going to my lecture.  How convenient.  I hadn’t decided yet, but that made my decision all the more easy.  No I wasn’t.  So I hung out with her, and my other friend came from the lecture we were supposed to be in.  She also does sociology, and she was the one who said, I have to email him!  So if I hadn’t decided to be a bad student and not go home and do the essay, I wouldn’t of had an important discussion with my friend that would have allowed me to not fail the unit! I mean realistically, I highly doubt I would’ve been able to finish a really crappy essay anyway.  So what’s the moral of this story?  What is the lesson?  It seems that being bad has rewarded me…  (Oooo philosophical).
Anyway, I should do my anth essay now.  I’m actually at my local library right now!  Haven’t been here since the HSC.  It’s kind of weird.  So many HSC students, I feel out of place.  Wish I had my anth reader with me…  I’ll figure something out.  Or I’ll do my SONA stuff.  I signed up for some study about medicine, it’s online, it’s 2 hours long and fucking the most boring shit ever…  So I guess I’ll do more of that.
Out sistas,

Just Another Woo Girl

Pity party raise the roof

So not to sound completely self-pitying and probably not at all self-loathing, but I seriously suck turd.  Wow, saying the word turd in my head made me feel a lot better.  And saying word and turd together makes me feel even more better because they rhyme!  Maybe I should take a break and watch some Spongebob.  I’ve never been a religious Spongebob fan, I mean, I probably only watched it sometimes when it was on Saturday Disney.  It’s weird how Saturday Disney was the Australian branch of Disney.  I seriously love Disney and still would have loved to be a Disney kid. In fact yesterday, instead of doing my essay (…), I was watching clips of the Mickey Mouse Club.  Seriously though, Justin was the biggest cutie ever showing us around his hometown Memphis!  And Britney, holy moly was she so cute and adorable!  So pretty too!!  After she showed us how to eat crawfish I had a dream about eating them, looks so yum!  And one of the older, unsuccessful Mouseketeers was saying how Britney was hot at eleven years old.  She actually was…  They were all so talented!
Anyway, so I failed.  Well I predict I will fail.  I missed the second deadline, so now I’m on negative twenty marks.  This is detrimental.  It weighs on my soul.  After the HSC had finished, I literally felt to light and free, not a care in the world.  So much more happy, like I had been when I was like twelve, so less cynical.  I even wrote a blog post about it!  I mean, I thought I might have changed for the sadder, but I had regained power!  Anyway, now I feel like shit again.  Everything is so out of hand!  One thing led to another, and now everything I’ve had to hand in so far has been late.  When I think about it, my first referencing tutorial participation assignment was late as well!  I had to run to class, arrived half an hour late because fuck you Fisher Library staff.
So yes, I think I’m looking at getting around maybe thirty to forty percent for this psychology essay, including deducted marks.  And that’s if I’m lucky.  I mean, if I’m really unrealistic and ignorant, I would just say, I’ll get full marks, and end up with a distinction.  But get real, me, you will never get full marks.  That’s not even a harsh statement (lol), I’m pretty sure full marks is a rarity.  I mean on actually important assessments.  Or maybe it is actually just me.  Anyway, my average has been seventy, so…  I’m looking at getting a pass, or fail.  Sigh pie.
I actually really want to buy some study drugs.  Not sure what they’re called yet, but that can easily be googled.  But then again, I have no income, so, yeah.  I can’t even buy drugs.  I’ve wondered recently whether my dad might condone my use of drugs if it were to help my studies.  But realistically, he wouldn’t.  He would say, you have to work hard.  And I must!  I wonder what extents it would take me to actually learn…  Meh.  Life is life.  Wait, don’t be complacent!  Well, I’m actually just thirsty.
I actually feel drunk.  I slept for five hours last night and still didn’t finish the essay, and it’s only a thousand words!!  Why, why?!?!  Yeah, I saw an ad on television that said if you’re awake for more than seventeen hours a day, basically, you’re drunk (lol).  So I’ve been trying to function and write an essay drunk.  I wonder how many mistakes there are in this blog post…  Should I not proof read it so you can count?  Nah, that just disrupts the flow.  Or maybe I will, as in I won’t proof read, I’ll decide late and let you know in the p.s.  Now I’m thinking I mightn’t even remember to put that in.  Oh fucking well.
I missed uni today, well skipped.  So I think-oh my fucking god, I’ve actually skipped all my tutes this week and didn’t even fucking finish the essay!!  THIS LIFE IS HOPELESS!!!  But I will say, I did miss the first one by accident…  Well, I’ll try to make it up tomorrow by going to all my lectures!  I want to go to this interfaculty pub crawl, I mean it sounds fun, but it’s such a hassle thinking of how I’m going to get home, so I don’t think I’ll go…  I’m so tired/drunk I’m just going to do what I don’t want to (insert sad face).  That was it.  That was what I didn’t want to do.
Oh life oh life oh life.  Am I Squidworth?  Is that even how you spell his name?  I can’t be bothered to even google it.  Google…  I just want to lie on top of a cloud and be done with the world.  I mean, I’d say uni, but then it kind of leaves my life pointless.  I mean, dragging my lardy body around all day, eating, not even delicious eating, just junk or healthy shit around the house.  Mehhhhhhhhhh.
I watched The Wanted’s new music video, it made me like the song more, especially the end where they’re singing the chorus with the…oh my god I don’t even remember what the thing that’s different from the chorus and verse is called!  I’m getting dumber every moment I’m alive!!  Or every moment I’m on the internet!!  Is venting making me less intellectual?!  Wow I seriously don’t remember.  Anyway, the boom boom part.  So I was thinking I’d write a ‘review’ of my fangirling of it, but then, yes, I realised I’m so not in that mood.  All the feels would be underscored if not overpowered by cynical, blurgh-ness.  Eugh.  Eugggghhhhhh.
Also, a note on Selena Gomez’s new music video, amazing cinematography.  The scenes were so incredibly beautiful and she herself was amazing and gorgeous.  What would’ve made the video more interesting and a thousand times better is if there was an actual story line, and maybe seeing the guys face…
I’m outta hurrrr,
Just Another Woo Girl
P.s.  I will proof read.  Also, I’m gonna take a break and try and cheer up with some SPONGEBOB SQUARE PANTS!  Every time I laugh when I’m watching funny shows by myself I keep thinking of this thing I read which said: lonely people laugh a lot at things that aren’t that funny.  But I think it’s funny…but what if it isn’t that funny and I’m really just a loner?  (Lol).  So foonzay.
P.p.s.  Whilst proof reading I realised, it’s called the bridge!!!  THERE’S STILL HOPE FOR ME YET!!

Yesterday I was so mindfucked

Yesterday I was so mindfucked.  As always, I set my alarm super early the night before in hopes that I’ll wake up at seven o’clock and embark on a vigorous study journey before uni.  And as always, I snooze the alarm every half an hour, and if I’m diligent, every ten minutes.  Pretty much, I’m depriving myself of actual REM sleep by letting my alarm attempt to wake me up every half an hour instead of actually sleeping.  Plus, once the first alarm as woken me up I tend to be half awake whilst sleeping anyway, thinking of the latest time possible I can wake up.
So yesterday I start uni at one in the afternoon.  It’s a tutorial so I have to go.  I know I have to go.  And I want to go because I have to.  So I’m thinking to myself, I’ll wake up at eleven, give myself an hour to get ready and an hour to get to uni.  Pleased with myself, I drag my lazy ass body out of bed at around eleven twenty, there’s still major time, I think to myself.  Blah blah blah I miss the train, so I’m power walking, now, really actually power walking to the next train station.  I’ve made it in time, and even bought my weekly ticket in less than a minute!  I’m quite happy with myself.
I walk to uni, and I need to pee, I look at my watch, there’s still ten minutes till class starts, perfect.  I go to the toilet and am about to cross city road when I look at my watch.  It’s two pm.  It’s two pm?!?!?!  What the fuck?!  My tute starts at one!  I check my phone, it’s two pm!!  I feel like, what the fuck is happening?!  I come all the way to uni to go to this one boring ass tute and I’ve completely missed it?!?!  I was so sure I was going to be on time, from the moment I woke up!  I didn’t miss the train, in fact, I was faster than I have ever been from home to uni!  I want to ask someone what the time is, but I don’t; too weird.  So I call my friend, she doesn’t pick up.  How nice.  So I walk towards the building my tute is in, hoping that maybe my time is wrong and that everyone is waiting outside the classroom waiting to go in.  But no, as I’m walking, I see my friend whose also in my tute.  What the fuck?!  She’s leaving!!  Sigh pie.  I literally didn’t even know what happened.  I was so completely clueless, it was just like, why, why did this even happen.
She tells me that the tutor said this is the second tute that I’ve missed.  I don’t particularly remember the first one…  Anyway, what a waste.  I had and still have that psychology assignment to do, I still haven’t started writing it properly and it’s due tomorrow at four!  Well actually it was due last week at four, but I have to get it in tomorrow!  Oh my god!!  Tomorrow is today!!!!!  Far out.
Anyway, I was thinking about this the whole of yesterday, how on earth did I miss the tute?  Did I read my analogue clock wrong?  Was the clock downstairs wrong?  Were the clocks off all together.  Then I finally realised, it was because I am stupid.  I mis-calculated the times, and thought I had to be at uni by two instead of one.  Basically, I was still at home when the tutorial had already started.
Just Another Woo Girl

Sleepy is cute but it’s not tired

I was just procrastinating and reading through some of my old blog posts from September last year, one specifically entitled, Dermatology win!  To be honest, I did win, but I didn’t even do anything about it.  My dad gave me a referral letter and I’m pretty sure I’ve lost it.  I mean, this was at least six months ago, and I’ve changed my room around, and everything’s different.  I really do wonder where I put that letter…  I bet I put it in my skinny bookshelf when I got it, like behind some books because I had a habit of slotting all the school, board of studies, and uni letters there.  It’s normal, I think, I mean, I don’t even get that many letters so where the hell would I put them?  I should probably start researching a way to keep my letters in check, seeing as I’m finally growing up!  I don’t know if I’ve let the bloggosphere know, but I applied for my own debit card a few months back.  It was pretty invigorating…  That’s not the right word, but you get the gist.  

Also, blogger, I’ve made other accounts on tumblr and wordpress:

I’m still not sure which out of the three I like best.  I love how wordpress has prettier themes, uses categories, and widgets, but then you have to pay for actual customisable themes.  And I’m so broke right now, I have no money in my bank.  But yay!  My old english tutor offered me a job as his assistant, so I’ll see how that goes, I’m excited!  I like tumblr because I think it’s more accessible, but then maybe my blog-style isn’t suited to it.  I like the themes on tumblr too, they’re alright.  Blogger is just ugly, or really boring and generic, also it doesn’t have categories, widgets, it’s probably harder to use, and a con for me is that it’s so simplistic.  But I love the stats page, it’s so easy.

Meh.  I have a psych essay to write for Wednesday.  It was due last Wednesday.  Fuck my life.  I feel so, meh all the time.  I’ll try to source references and articles tonight and read them tomorrow morning.  I’ll only have less that 24 hours including procrastination time to finish it.  And I absolutely have to finish it, I can’t lose another ten marks on top of my current negative ten.  It makes me sad.  I feel so stupid saying that, “I’m sad.”  Lol.  I can’t believe I’ve been “lol-ing” on my blog, I never wanted to.  I should probably just stop and try expressing myself better like I used to.  I want to say it again.

I’m tired.  I read a tumblr post that was like, “sleepy is such a cute word, why don’t we just always say sleepy instead of tired?!”  (I thought sleepy was so cute before this post, I’m not hipster).  And then someone’s like “I’m fucking sleepy of your shit.”  And that was so funny.  I laughed so tiredly.  The reason we don’t say sleepy instead of tired is because there’s actually a fucking difference.  I don’t mean to call the person who posted it a douche bag because sleepy is actually a cute word, but it is no replacement for tired.  Sleepy is associated with happiness, like you’re so sleepy from having an amazing but relentless day.  Tired is bad, it sucks, I associate it with being in the state I’m in now.  Tired from doing shit that wasn’t all that enjoyable, or specifically to my case, tired from doing jack shit.  Tired from sitting on the computer half-assedly attempting to do an essay.  Tired because I’m to pussy to try and figure out what I’m supposed to do because it’s just too hard.  Hard.  Hard.  Tired…

1:15am.  I thought to myself, try and think of it as due tomorrow morning.  But then I continued to write this post.  So it didn’t work.  After this post, I’ll close all these bullshit procrastination windows and try and fucking use PsychINFO.  Seriously, the fuck.  PsychINFO is so hard to use, if everyone is such a genius why don’t they make it a user-friendly interface, fucking hell.  I’m so tired.  PsychINFO, fuck you.  I love Google Scholar, it was so easy.  I took it for granted, fuck you PsychINFO, just, fuck you.  Fuck yourself.  

Just Another Woo Girl

I must find peace

I was really inwardly stressed about this week.  I had my philosophy essay due on Friday which I missed the deadline for.  I was planning to hand it in today before 4pm and have it only be a day late.  But obviously, it is now 11:13pm, it didn’t happen.  Would I say it’s wishful thinking that I would hand it in, not even on time, but three days late?  I did even say today that it was.  What I really meant to say, and what probably is the true of this situation, is that I really just didn’t try hard enough.  By 3am last night, I decided, fuck it.

And this is why.  My philosophy paper is worth 30% of my final mark.  Yes, this is a shitload compared to my preliminary assessments of anthropology and sociology which were only worth around 15% I think?  (Take into account, I have two major essays for these classes due on the same day in two weeks, so not really a win).

May I just interlude with, this is Arts!  It’s JUST Arts!  It’s a single Arts degree, nothing more, nothing less, so why is it so hard?  The ATAR cut-off for a single Arts degree is so low.  I remember my year seven PDHPE teacher asking me what I was doing next year, I said, “just Arts.”  Basically, it was just to clarify that I wasn’t doing anything else with it.  She said to me, “No, Alina.  It’s not JUST Arts.  Be proud of what you’re doing.  Arts is a hard degree.”

What I thought to myself at the time was, “but I’m not proud of my degree.”  The only thing I’m proud of (and I’m not even proud) is that I’m going to Usyd.  I also thought, “Arts isn’t a hard degree, why would the ATAR so low if it’s so hard.”

Now I realise it’s probably just because there are so many available positions it’s not exclusive or whatever, I can’t think of the word I’m looking for…

Anyway!  Back to the point.  The philosophy paper is 30%, whilst my psych paper is 25%.  Psych is apart of the Science faculty so it’s policies on late work is different.  For Arts, it’s a 2% penalty for each WORKING day.  And I think for psych, it’s a 10% penalty per week.  Which actually ends up being the same thing.  So since it’s Monday night, and both of them haven’t been done, the psych paper hasn’t even been started.  I began to think.  With my brain.  I feel like I’ve done a lot of thinking the past few days, but it’s really been backward, I’ve been thinking hard about ways to hand in my assignments late rather than just doing them…

There’s basically no way I’m going to finish my psych essay on time.  I would have had to finish it on Tuesday night in order to hand it in online before uni on Wednesday.  That would leave me (now) one night, that would be tomorrow night.  So it’s basically impossible.  No, it is, impossible.

If I hand my psych essay in late, I may as well give myself the week since it’s penalised weekly.  So I’ll hand it in next Wednesday.  I will lose 2.5% of my overall mark.  But on the paper, it will say, “-10” which will make me very sad and want to jump in front of a train.

Now that leaves my philosophy essay.  Now I actually have to hand this in to the fucking office.  If I hand it in on Thursday before 4pm, I will have lost 2.4% of my final mark.  If I actually had the time to finish my psych essay on time, this would be worth it.  I’d work on my psych essay until I hand it in, and then spend Wednesday night completing the entire phil essay.  I would lose nothing for psych (except maybe quality) and only 2.4% of phil rather than 2.5% for psych if that were late.

Anyway blah blah blah, my new goal is to finish my philosophy essay ASAP.  The latest by Thursday, and the earliest achievable, by Wednesday early night.  That will give me around 6 days to complete my psych essay, including research (mother fucker) and writing.  Psych is so hard, but interesting. 

I’m really thinking I might have to transfer.  But I don’t even think I can since my grades are so low.  I got a credit for my first essay, which was also late.  I might want to go to UTS to do fashion, or journalism, subjects which I can actually visualise myself getting a distinction or higher.  I can’t imagine that I’ll achieve that in my current course with these classes.

For this weeks tasks, I really just have to find peace with what I’ve decided, because it’s the best choice out of the ones I have remaining.  The best series of events is that I would have handed my phil in on time, and got on to my psych.  Or even better, done them weeks ago.  Somehow, I have to find peace, find peace with seeing those massive numbers make my grade go down a whole degree.  10 marks for psych is literally the difference between each grade.  If my work is only a pass, I am going to fail.  This means I have to at least make it a credit.  Or best case scenario for all my late works, to get an 87, and then down to 77, and get a distinction since I’ve had extra time.

Now that’s, wishful thinking.

How do I become a better student?  How?  The question is stupid, I should just work to become one, and figure out how at the end of the process…  Or maybe that’s the problem in a nutshell.  Maybe I’m always looking for the quickest and easiest way to do things and figure out what’s been done at the end.  I mean, I told myself during the HSC, meh, ATAR doesn’t matter, I’ll just do better in uni, and basically flunked out.  I can’t let this attitude rule my life.  I MUST CHANGE!  But all these things are just words, there is no action.  In fact, the action I’m doing right now is the complete opposite of what my words are saying.  I’m just tricking myself.  But I really need to vent these thoughts, these mundane thoughts that are stupid.  Or maybe that’s just another excuse to do what I’m not supposed to.


Just Another Woo Girl

Why do we procrastinate?

Sometimes I procrastinate so far as to wonder to myself, why is it that i procrastinate?  And then I think, it’s because I’m doing something I’m not all that interested in.  But then I think of the times when I’ve procrastinated from things that when given the task, I’d initially thought, that’d be fun and easy!  And then I’d procrastinate anyway.

I kind of think it might have something to do with the actual pressure of having to achieve something, to some higher standard, than what I will actually achieve in reality.

Fucking philosophy, seriously.  Update on my essay progress: none.  Zero, zilch, words have been written.  Although, plus: I’ve finished doing the readings.  The last article I had to read was actually much simpler than the language used by fucking Kant.  Which, made it all the more interesting to read.  But I fear, yes fear, that because I simply read, and didn’t take notes, that I’ve forgotten everything.  I guess that’s another reason as to why I haven’t started writing the essay yet.

All this pressure.  Not only is my philosophy essay late, and I haven’t started it.  I still have another psychology essay due on Wednesday which, that too, I haven’t started!  And what’s infinitely worse, is that, because psych is from the science faculty, not the Arts faculty, each day the essay is late (apparently) is a 10% penalty!!  But I read on the handbook that it’s 10% per week…  I can’t even be sure.

I mean, this is what it says:

So I think it means what I think it means…  I don’t know if I can risk losing that much.  That would be a 3% loss to my overall mark which doesn’t seem that bad…

Anyway, back to the point.  The question I ask, why do we procrastinate?  But instead of asking, maybe it’s that we should just DO.  I mean, even though everyone comes to this conclusion, or when talking to friends, they’ll just tell you to FUCKING JUST DO IT, but it’s like, something inside of you is afraid of failure?  Meh, what the fuck.  This is just my way of procrastinating.

Fuck all, man,
Just Another Woo Girl

You know that feeling when you’ve had one too many…

You know that feeling when you’ve had one too many drinks?  I feel the exact same way, except with food.  Fuck I just want to vomit right now.  Oh wait, I feel a bit better.  Yeah I ate dinner and was satisfied.  Then I studied a bit and ate oats with choc chips, and then, I had one thing too many when I ate a plum.  I can feel it high up in my stomach, churning, vom vom vom.

Not sure whether to hand in another assignment late, it’s 2 marks off everyday, and if my calculations are correct, it’s 0.3% off my mark.  The assignment’s only worth 15%.  Though, it’s easy, just a little bit time consuming.  It’s due in less than 2 hours, I’m thinking fuck it.  But then I’m scared the online submission thing might be deactivated and then how do I hand it in?  I asked my tutor, she was kind of pissed and basically just told me to not let it happen and hand it in at last 2 hours before 10, which is now.  I didn’t tell her I hadn’t started yet, and by that haven’t finished (now) reading my main article, and haven’t found the other 3 articles let alone read them to write a review…

My tongue is raw from eating mentos.  I ate them wrong, I sucked on them and them chewed them.  I ate like 5 on the train.  And now my tongue hurts.  Fun times.  Blurgh.

I’ve got three lectures tomorrow, I feel like I need to go to them, except if I don’t do a substantial amount of the assignment tonight, there’s no way I’ll finish it by tomorrow.  I mean tomorrow is an hour longer than today, and I still haven’t done anything.

Weird thing happened today, I was walking to the station from uni, and this random guy comes up to me and tells me I’m pretty, and keeps talking to me.  I was going to get a pide and walk to the station (which turned out to be a fail since eating greasy pide while walking is crazy and embarrassing).  Anyway, what makes it even weirder is that I was talking to him, and asking him questions out of politeness.  I find this even weirder than a random coming up to me because of the context.  I had my earphones in dude.  Earphones means I’m out of this world.  If it was in a club, it wouldn’t be as weird because that’s what people generally do there.  But it was weird.  Weird as fuck.

I wonder how old I look at uni.  I’m pretty sure I look like a fresher.  I’d say it’s because of what I wear, but I’m also pretty sure that it’s a whole lot of how I act.  I see some people at uni just having a tonne of fun in between classes or what not.  And I’m just walking from class to class with a neutral or slightly cold look on my face.  I wonder if I look 20…  I wear a backpack…  I really want to be amidst uni life, like in high school, but uni me really isn’t that capable I suppose.  Friends are trying out for executive positions in societies, and I realised that that’s how people become president of societies…  First year representatives and what not, at arts camp I realised I am definitely not first year representative material.  I thought I was sociable, but I guess I’m not so much.  Sometimes I think I am, but then sometimes I’m not.  Maybe it’s dependent on the situation, how I’m feeling, and the rarity of the context.  Meh, who even cares.

So I suppose I’m handing in this assignment late.  This is not good.  I mean, I told myself last time, that that was the last time.  And now it’s the second time.  I feel like the ‘fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me,’ is applicable here, even though it’s myself I’m fooling; which is probably a different thing all together with it’s own saying that I can’t really be bothered to figure out right now.

My lip is kind of itchy.  I was going to say so itchy, but it really isn’t so itchy.  But the more I think about it, it’s beginning to be so itchy.

I was thinking about my philosophy essay, I asked my tutor when’s the latest he’d be able to look at my outline, and I think he said maybe three days before the due date, which I think is next Monday or Tuesday…  Cos he’s got a thesis himself to write.  And I thought to myself at the time, that’s easy!  I’ll definitely be able to hand it in then, even probably this Friday!  But now I realise, since I’m late with my current assignment, I’ll hand that in tomorrow at like 9pm.  Give myself a ‘break’, and start the essay on Friday.  But the thing is I haven’t done the readings, so that’ll take me at least a day or two.  So the latest, or earliest, I’ll be able to send him an outline is Monday, which is his recommended day, which leaves me only three days to write it!  Not to mention, planning the fucking essay takes a while as well with all that fucking armchair thinking.  Sigh pie.

I’ve had an epiphany!  I’ll ramble about my moral opinions about the question here on my blog!!  That’ll help me heaps!  The question I think I’m doing is something like, is it okay to lie to someone about your religion to get in their pants because it’s a one night stand?  Something like that…

Just Another Woo Girl

I really hope I can still submit my assignment online after the due date…!

I finally understand the life of a musician + late essay woes

So after handing in late my first assignment yesterday, I can now move on to my second assignment that’s due this Wednesday…  So I logged onto Blackboard to look at the notification on what it is we’re supposed to do, some sort of essay which I am completely clueless about, with readings that I haven’t done.  I truly suck.

And saw on the corner an announcement from anthropology, “Late Short Essays.”  This is obviously relevant to me, so clicked on it and basically slowly began to shit bricks.  My body temperature actually rose.  It said we had to read the unit of study outline about late work.  And I thought, oh shit, was I supposed to hand in my essay to a separate place for late work?  And turns out I lose 2% of the raw mark, not 2 marks, everyday.  So if that were true, I’d have to go into uni again and hand it in, 3 DAYS LATE!!!!!!!  I don’t even know how much loss that is but it is a shit load more than what I have done!!!  Anyway, luckily after about seven minutes of panicking and clicking links and finding the words “late submission” I think I can almost firmly say that I think I’ve handed in my essay to the right place…  I’d actually misread one of the lines saying: any essay submitted after the return date will not be marked, as, that any late essay will not be marked.  I actually started to stress out less thinking that yes, I had actually failed this course, and that, I didn’t even really care.

Halfway through this I was considering emailing my tutor and asking him the actual protocol since the information provided was scattered every-fucking-where all over the internet and on pdf files…  But then I decided to just search harder since he didn’t reply to my first email I sent him.  So pretty much needless to say that there’s no point emailing my anthropology tutor.  I was going to generalise and say all tutors, but my philosophy tutor emailed, I think everyone he has, saying to email him an essay outline.  And I would, and it made me so happy to know he cared about us individually, but I haven’t started nor have I done my readings…  I feel really bad that I haven’t done any work because even though he doesn’t make jokes and things like my anthropology tutor, I think he might actually be better.  I don’t know if my anthropology tutor is my favourite anymore, my friend said that the girl sitting next to her found him obnoxious and annoying.  Also, my sociology tutor emailed my group assignment group on the process of the youtube video and I was planning to reply, but then didn’t because I actually hadn’t started editing our video.  But I got it done in a day, a week before it was due, so, diligent me…

Now I think maybe I really should have done media and communications at UTS, seeing as MeCo at USYD is apparently the shittest and all the other unis laugh at us.  I really had so much fun being interviewed by people at the Optus Rockcorps concert!  But also when I was watching the performers in the zone, and jumping around really enjoying themselves, I wish I could do that too.  It would be amazing.  I also realised that the stories many songs tell, of travelling around the world and living your dream yet being separated from the ones you love and the sadness that comes from that – basically the sadness and the happiness and how you’ve gotten everything you wanted but less of what you really need.  Holy shit, I’m pretty sure that’s a lyric to some song I don’t remember right now – you got what you want, but not what you need.  Well actually, that’s also a line applicable to the generic love song as well…  But basically, I felt as though, while watching The Script perform, was that they were living that exact life.  Their songs about love and loss, The Man Who Can’t Be Moved, the immensity of a musicians passion is limitless, they are like vampires and every emotion they feel is heightened and expressed in such a way that all human beings can relate and feel those same emotions relating to their own lives through melody and lyrics.  It’s truly amazing.  It made me feel sad and happy at the same time.  What’s even the word for that emotion.  I feel so juvenile talking about happy and sad.  Joy and melancholy?  I don’t even know.  The Script were amazing.

Anyway, I still am not completely sure if I handed in my assignment correctly and I feel sort of lost in a way that I can’t email my tutor because I won’t get a reply, but I’ve exhausted all the online resources for reliable information and still am not completely sure.

Also, I’m hungry and I don’t want to eat because it’s past 11 and I don’t want to gain weight, yet, I’m hungry.  Or maybe this is normal, and people feel slightly empty in their stomachs all the time.  The thing is when I was eating dinner, I actually ate until I was full, but now I’m just hungry again.  Is it because I’m bored?  I mean, I was watching YouTube videos, and new episodes of my favourite shows.  Well, actually for the past half hour I think I’ve just been scrolling through my social media news feeds reading uninteresting and un-stimulating articles…  Well, I hope I will have the will to restrain from going downstairs to the kitchen to eat junk.  I actually have a block of hazelnut Godiva chocolate in my draw…  Sigh pie 101.

Heading out tomorrow night, I have no clothes to wear.  Poo poo poo.

Down and out,
Just Another Woo Girl