Just Another Woo Girl
Just Another Woo Girl
Just Another Woo Girl
I was just procrastinating and reading through some of my old blog posts from September last year, one specifically entitled, Dermatology win! To be honest, I did win, but I didn’t even do anything about it. My dad gave me a referral letter and I’m pretty sure I’ve lost it. I mean, this was at least six months ago, and I’ve changed my room around, and everything’s different. I really do wonder where I put that letter… I bet I put it in my skinny bookshelf when I got it, like behind some books because I had a habit of slotting all the school, board of studies, and uni letters there. It’s normal, I think, I mean, I don’t even get that many letters so where the hell would I put them? I should probably start researching a way to keep my letters in check, seeing as I’m finally growing up! I don’t know if I’ve let the bloggosphere know, but I applied for my own debit card a few months back. It was pretty invigorating… That’s not the right word, but you get the gist.
Also, blogger, I’ve made other accounts on tumblr and wordpress:
I’m still not sure which out of the three I like best. I love how wordpress has prettier themes, uses categories, and widgets, but then you have to pay for actual customisable themes. And I’m so broke right now, I have no money in my bank. But yay! My old english tutor offered me a job as his assistant, so I’ll see how that goes, I’m excited! I like tumblr because I think it’s more accessible, but then maybe my blog-style isn’t suited to it. I like the themes on tumblr too, they’re alright. Blogger is just ugly, or really boring and generic, also it doesn’t have categories, widgets, it’s probably harder to use, and a con for me is that it’s so simplistic. But I love the stats page, it’s so easy.
Meh. I have a psych essay to write for Wednesday. It was due last Wednesday. Fuck my life. I feel so, meh all the time. I’ll try to source references and articles tonight and read them tomorrow morning. I’ll only have less that 24 hours including procrastination time to finish it. And I absolutely have to finish it, I can’t lose another ten marks on top of my current negative ten. It makes me sad. I feel so stupid saying that, “I’m sad.” Lol. I can’t believe I’ve been “lol-ing” on my blog, I never wanted to. I should probably just stop and try expressing myself better like I used to. I want to say it again.
I’m tired. I read a tumblr post that was like, “sleepy is such a cute word, why don’t we just always say sleepy instead of tired?!” (I thought sleepy was so cute before this post, I’m not hipster). And then someone’s like “I’m fucking sleepy of your shit.” And that was so funny. I laughed so tiredly. The reason we don’t say sleepy instead of tired is because there’s actually a fucking difference. I don’t mean to call the person who posted it a douche bag because sleepy is actually a cute word, but it is no replacement for tired. Sleepy is associated with happiness, like you’re so sleepy from having an amazing but relentless day. Tired is bad, it sucks, I associate it with being in the state I’m in now. Tired from doing shit that wasn’t all that enjoyable, or specifically to my case, tired from doing jack shit. Tired from sitting on the computer half-assedly attempting to do an essay. Tired because I’m to pussy to try and figure out what I’m supposed to do because it’s just too hard. Hard. Hard. Tired…
1:15am. I thought to myself, try and think of it as due tomorrow morning. But then I continued to write this post. So it didn’t work. After this post, I’ll close all these bullshit procrastination windows and try and fucking use PsychINFO. Seriously, the fuck. PsychINFO is so hard to use, if everyone is such a genius why don’t they make it a user-friendly interface, fucking hell. I’m so tired. PsychINFO, fuck you. I love Google Scholar, it was so easy. I took it for granted, fuck you PsychINFO, just, fuck you. Fuck yourself.
Just Another Woo Girl
I was really inwardly stressed about this week. I had my philosophy essay due on Friday which I missed the deadline for. I was planning to hand it in today before 4pm and have it only be a day late. But obviously, it is now 11:13pm, it didn’t happen. Would I say it’s wishful thinking that I would hand it in, not even on time, but three days late? I did even say today that it was. What I really meant to say, and what probably is the true of this situation, is that I really just didn’t try hard enough. By 3am last night, I decided, fuck it.
And this is why. My philosophy paper is worth 30% of my final mark. Yes, this is a shitload compared to my preliminary assessments of anthropology and sociology which were only worth around 15% I think? (Take into account, I have two major essays for these classes due on the same day in two weeks, so not really a win).
May I just interlude with, this is Arts! It’s JUST Arts! It’s a single Arts degree, nothing more, nothing less, so why is it so hard? The ATAR cut-off for a single Arts degree is so low. I remember my year seven PDHPE teacher asking me what I was doing next year, I said, “just Arts.” Basically, it was just to clarify that I wasn’t doing anything else with it. She said to me, “No, Alina. It’s not JUST Arts. Be proud of what you’re doing. Arts is a hard degree.”
What I thought to myself at the time was, “but I’m not proud of my degree.” The only thing I’m proud of (and I’m not even proud) is that I’m going to Usyd. I also thought, “Arts isn’t a hard degree, why would the ATAR so low if it’s so hard.”
Now I realise it’s probably just because there are so many available positions it’s not exclusive or whatever, I can’t think of the word I’m looking for…
Anyway! Back to the point. The philosophy paper is 30%, whilst my psych paper is 25%. Psych is apart of the Science faculty so it’s policies on late work is different. For Arts, it’s a 2% penalty for each WORKING day. And I think for psych, it’s a 10% penalty per week. Which actually ends up being the same thing. So since it’s Monday night, and both of them haven’t been done, the psych paper hasn’t even been started. I began to think. With my brain. I feel like I’ve done a lot of thinking the past few days, but it’s really been backward, I’ve been thinking hard about ways to hand in my assignments late rather than just doing them…
There’s basically no way I’m going to finish my psych essay on time. I would have had to finish it on Tuesday night in order to hand it in online before uni on Wednesday. That would leave me (now) one night, that would be tomorrow night. So it’s basically impossible. No, it is, impossible.
If I hand my psych essay in late, I may as well give myself the week since it’s penalised weekly. So I’ll hand it in next Wednesday. I will lose 2.5% of my overall mark. But on the paper, it will say, “-10” which will make me very sad and want to jump in front of a train.
Now that leaves my philosophy essay. Now I actually have to hand this in to the fucking office. If I hand it in on Thursday before 4pm, I will have lost 2.4% of my final mark. If I actually had the time to finish my psych essay on time, this would be worth it. I’d work on my psych essay until I hand it in, and then spend Wednesday night completing the entire phil essay. I would lose nothing for psych (except maybe quality) and only 2.4% of phil rather than 2.5% for psych if that were late.
Anyway blah blah blah, my new goal is to finish my philosophy essay ASAP. The latest by Thursday, and the earliest achievable, by Wednesday early night. That will give me around 6 days to complete my psych essay, including research (mother fucker) and writing. Psych is so hard, but interesting.
I’m really thinking I might have to transfer. But I don’t even think I can since my grades are so low. I got a credit for my first essay, which was also late. I might want to go to UTS to do fashion, or journalism, subjects which I can actually visualise myself getting a distinction or higher. I can’t imagine that I’ll achieve that in my current course with these classes.
For this weeks tasks, I really just have to find peace with what I’ve decided, because it’s the best choice out of the ones I have remaining. The best series of events is that I would have handed my phil in on time, and got on to my psych. Or even better, done them weeks ago. Somehow, I have to find peace, find peace with seeing those massive numbers make my grade go down a whole degree. 10 marks for psych is literally the difference between each grade. If my work is only a pass, I am going to fail. This means I have to at least make it a credit. Or best case scenario for all my late works, to get an 87, and then down to 77, and get a distinction since I’ve had extra time.
Now that’s, wishful thinking.
How do I become a better student? How? The question is stupid, I should just work to become one, and figure out how at the end of the process… Or maybe that’s the problem in a nutshell. Maybe I’m always looking for the quickest and easiest way to do things and figure out what’s been done at the end. I mean, I told myself during the HSC, meh, ATAR doesn’t matter, I’ll just do better in uni, and basically flunked out. I can’t let this attitude rule my life. I MUST CHANGE! But all these things are just words, there is no action. In fact, the action I’m doing right now is the complete opposite of what my words are saying. I’m just tricking myself. But I really need to vent these thoughts, these mundane thoughts that are stupid. Or maybe that’s just another excuse to do what I’m not supposed to.
Sometimes I procrastinate so far as to wonder to myself, why is it that i procrastinate? And then I think, it’s because I’m doing something I’m not all that interested in. But then I think of the times when I’ve procrastinated from things that when given the task, I’d initially thought, that’d be fun and easy! And then I’d procrastinate anyway.
You know that feeling when you’ve had one too many drinks? I feel the exact same way, except with food. Fuck I just want to vomit right now. Oh wait, I feel a bit better. Yeah I ate dinner and was satisfied. Then I studied a bit and ate oats with choc chips, and then, I had one thing too many when I ate a plum. I can feel it high up in my stomach, churning, vom vom vom.
Not sure whether to hand in another assignment late, it’s 2 marks off everyday, and if my calculations are correct, it’s 0.3% off my mark. The assignment’s only worth 15%. Though, it’s easy, just a little bit time consuming. It’s due in less than 2 hours, I’m thinking fuck it. But then I’m scared the online submission thing might be deactivated and then how do I hand it in? I asked my tutor, she was kind of pissed and basically just told me to not let it happen and hand it in at last 2 hours before 10, which is now. I didn’t tell her I hadn’t started yet, and by that haven’t finished (now) reading my main article, and haven’t found the other 3 articles let alone read them to write a review…
My tongue is raw from eating mentos. I ate them wrong, I sucked on them and them chewed them. I ate like 5 on the train. And now my tongue hurts. Fun times. Blurgh.
I’ve got three lectures tomorrow, I feel like I need to go to them, except if I don’t do a substantial amount of the assignment tonight, there’s no way I’ll finish it by tomorrow. I mean tomorrow is an hour longer than today, and I still haven’t done anything.
Weird thing happened today, I was walking to the station from uni, and this random guy comes up to me and tells me I’m pretty, and keeps talking to me. I was going to get a pide and walk to the station (which turned out to be a fail since eating greasy pide while walking is crazy and embarrassing). Anyway, what makes it even weirder is that I was talking to him, and asking him questions out of politeness. I find this even weirder than a random coming up to me because of the context. I had my earphones in dude. Earphones means I’m out of this world. If it was in a club, it wouldn’t be as weird because that’s what people generally do there. But it was weird. Weird as fuck.
I wonder how old I look at uni. I’m pretty sure I look like a fresher. I’d say it’s because of what I wear, but I’m also pretty sure that it’s a whole lot of how I act. I see some people at uni just having a tonne of fun in between classes or what not. And I’m just walking from class to class with a neutral or slightly cold look on my face. I wonder if I look 20… I wear a backpack… I really want to be amidst uni life, like in high school, but uni me really isn’t that capable I suppose. Friends are trying out for executive positions in societies, and I realised that that’s how people become president of societies… First year representatives and what not, at arts camp I realised I am definitely not first year representative material. I thought I was sociable, but I guess I’m not so much. Sometimes I think I am, but then sometimes I’m not. Maybe it’s dependent on the situation, how I’m feeling, and the rarity of the context. Meh, who even cares.
So I suppose I’m handing in this assignment late. This is not good. I mean, I told myself last time, that that was the last time. And now it’s the second time. I feel like the ‘fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me,’ is applicable here, even though it’s myself I’m fooling; which is probably a different thing all together with it’s own saying that I can’t really be bothered to figure out right now.
My lip is kind of itchy. I was going to say so itchy, but it really isn’t so itchy. But the more I think about it, it’s beginning to be so itchy.
I was thinking about my philosophy essay, I asked my tutor when’s the latest he’d be able to look at my outline, and I think he said maybe three days before the due date, which I think is next Monday or Tuesday… Cos he’s got a thesis himself to write. And I thought to myself at the time, that’s easy! I’ll definitely be able to hand it in then, even probably this Friday! But now I realise, since I’m late with my current assignment, I’ll hand that in tomorrow at like 9pm. Give myself a ‘break’, and start the essay on Friday. But the thing is I haven’t done the readings, so that’ll take me at least a day or two. So the latest, or earliest, I’ll be able to send him an outline is Monday, which is his recommended day, which leaves me only three days to write it! Not to mention, planning the fucking essay takes a while as well with all that fucking armchair thinking. Sigh pie.
I’ve had an epiphany! I’ll ramble about my moral opinions about the question here on my blog!! That’ll help me heaps! The question I think I’m doing is something like, is it okay to lie to someone about your religion to get in their pants because it’s a one night stand? Something like that…
Just Another Woo Girl
I really hope I can still submit my assignment online after the due date…!
So after handing in late my first assignment yesterday, I can now move on to my second assignment that’s due this Wednesday… So I logged onto Blackboard to look at the notification on what it is we’re supposed to do, some sort of essay which I am completely clueless about, with readings that I haven’t done. I truly suck.
And saw on the corner an announcement from anthropology, “Late Short Essays.” This is obviously relevant to me, so clicked on it and basically slowly began to shit bricks. My body temperature actually rose. It said we had to read the unit of study outline about late work. And I thought, oh shit, was I supposed to hand in my essay to a separate place for late work? And turns out I lose 2% of the raw mark, not 2 marks, everyday. So if that were true, I’d have to go into uni again and hand it in, 3 DAYS LATE!!!!!!! I don’t even know how much loss that is but it is a shit load more than what I have done!!! Anyway, luckily after about seven minutes of panicking and clicking links and finding the words “late submission” I think I can almost firmly say that I think I’ve handed in my essay to the right place… I’d actually misread one of the lines saying: any essay submitted after the return date will not be marked, as, that any late essay will not be marked. I actually started to stress out less thinking that yes, I had actually failed this course, and that, I didn’t even really care.
Halfway through this I was considering emailing my tutor and asking him the actual protocol since the information provided was scattered every-fucking-where all over the internet and on pdf files… But then I decided to just search harder since he didn’t reply to my first email I sent him. So pretty much needless to say that there’s no point emailing my anthropology tutor. I was going to generalise and say all tutors, but my philosophy tutor emailed, I think everyone he has, saying to email him an essay outline. And I would, and it made me so happy to know he cared about us individually, but I haven’t started nor have I done my readings… I feel really bad that I haven’t done any work because even though he doesn’t make jokes and things like my anthropology tutor, I think he might actually be better. I don’t know if my anthropology tutor is my favourite anymore, my friend said that the girl sitting next to her found him obnoxious and annoying. Also, my sociology tutor emailed my group assignment group on the process of the youtube video and I was planning to reply, but then didn’t because I actually hadn’t started editing our video. But I got it done in a day, a week before it was due, so, diligent me…
Now I think maybe I really should have done media and communications at UTS, seeing as MeCo at USYD is apparently the shittest and all the other unis laugh at us. I really had so much fun being interviewed by people at the Optus Rockcorps concert! But also when I was watching the performers in the zone, and jumping around really enjoying themselves, I wish I could do that too. It would be amazing. I also realised that the stories many songs tell, of travelling around the world and living your dream yet being separated from the ones you love and the sadness that comes from that – basically the sadness and the happiness and how you’ve gotten everything you wanted but less of what you really need. Holy shit, I’m pretty sure that’s a lyric to some song I don’t remember right now – you got what you want, but not what you need. Well actually, that’s also a line applicable to the generic love song as well… But basically, I felt as though, while watching The Script perform, was that they were living that exact life. Their songs about love and loss, The Man Who Can’t Be Moved, the immensity of a musicians passion is limitless, they are like vampires and every emotion they feel is heightened and expressed in such a way that all human beings can relate and feel those same emotions relating to their own lives through melody and lyrics. It’s truly amazing. It made me feel sad and happy at the same time. What’s even the word for that emotion. I feel so juvenile talking about happy and sad. Joy and melancholy? I don’t even know. The Script were amazing.
Anyway, I still am not completely sure if I handed in my assignment correctly and I feel sort of lost in a way that I can’t email my tutor because I won’t get a reply, but I’ve exhausted all the online resources for reliable information and still am not completely sure.
Also, I’m hungry and I don’t want to eat because it’s past 11 and I don’t want to gain weight, yet, I’m hungry. Or maybe this is normal, and people feel slightly empty in their stomachs all the time. The thing is when I was eating dinner, I actually ate until I was full, but now I’m just hungry again. Is it because I’m bored? I mean, I was watching YouTube videos, and new episodes of my favourite shows. Well, actually for the past half hour I think I’ve just been scrolling through my social media news feeds reading uninteresting and un-stimulating articles… Well, I hope I will have the will to restrain from going downstairs to the kitchen to eat junk. I actually have a block of hazelnut Godiva chocolate in my draw… Sigh pie 101.
Heading out tomorrow night, I have no clothes to wear. Poo poo poo.
Down and out,
Just Another Woo Girl