I thought something was funny but I won’t say what

I don’t usually hahahahaha in my posts but today I’ll make an exception because I’m feeling slightly spritely at this moment besides also feeling sluggish from lying in bed all day.  If I don’t say why I’m hahaha-ing is this post kind of pointless?  Probably, but I don’t care.  I had fillings and a clean at the dentist today, I got needles, and half my face was numb.  I think I should drink more water, and try to read my tutorial notes so I can start recording my procrastination and study habits that I was supposed to start on Monday.  However, I can’t because I’m behind on readings for psychology, and basically all my subjects and it’s only week three.  I dunno, this post just doesn’t feel like it’s the right time to bring in the hahaha’s, but it’s been done and undoing it seems kind of, redundant.  I don’t know why I chose the word redundant, but hopefully you can assign some sort of understanding to what I actually mean by it, because I have no idea, and I’ll just agree that that is actually what I mean.  Maybe I meant what you mean but I didn’t even know it.  I have a bunch of lecture slides, notes and exercise notifications sitting in the printer downstairs.  Downstairs being the word of importance.  I feel like I want to just dance around my room so I can use some of this pent up energy (and not to mention unused calories) but I’m just not feeling it, I don’t have any music in mind.  Also to that, I have to update my iTunes because I’ve been listening to Halcyon by Ellie Goulding non-stop, with intermittent Katy and Marina and the Diamonds, and every so often just repeating some Miley because I only have two songs off her new album on my iTunes right now.  This is quite devastating.  So many readings to catch up on.  Today I was supposed to catch up on everything.  Oh my god, and I still have a brain and behaviour lecture to catch up on that I keep forgetting I’ve even missed.  How does one become organised???  Should I use my diary??  I think the answer is yes.  Okay, let me start using my forty dollar diary more thoroughly like I had in the past.  Oh my god, and also, where the hell are my really nice binders I used for school?  I had a mint fabric covered one and a gold metallic fabric covered one, both of which, were so nice.  I want to use those folders to start filing my notes in rather than these flimsy cardboard ones.  I mean, they’re nicely coloured, but the feel and touch of cardboard makes me sort of cringe.  I know, petty reasons, but…  No buts!!  But I’ll still but…  Anyway, I don’t even know.  Just so many funny things right now.  Not right now, but what I’ve discovered.  It’s kind of hilarious.  And also, I don’t know.  I was just thinking about love, and when I say love, I basically just mean romance in general.  It can be so, different, there are so many things that could happen, so many ways actual love can come to be or come to realise itself.  There’s no way of saying which one is the best and which one is the most long lasting, it just depends, on the people, the person, the everything surrounding the love.  Oh wow that last part sounded lame.  But I won’t delete it, because I feel like this post is a rant post.  Not for anyone else, just for me.  To vent things, just to type and think, but not ponder, okay, maybe ponder, but to not dwell.  I think sometimes, well a lot of the times (The Office) I dwell on thoughts.  And sometimes, when I’m reading about psychology I think, oh no, do I have a mental disorder?  Am I over thinking to the point where I could be classified under some sort of anxiety or depressive disorder (my inability to even name one actual disorder shows a vast gap in my understanding and my study of psychology, or if there even is a gap, maybe just an empty space, much like an abyss of nothingness.  Yes, I think that could be closer).  Oh my god, this whole last part seems a lot like dwelling.  Okay, let me move on.  I need to invest in some hand cream, a nice compact hand cream I can carry in my bag.  My hands are so dry right now, just, it’s uncomfortable.  I feel like my blog is very mundane and it’s often just talking about how I suck and venting stuff, but I do have lots of fun as well in my life.  I was about to add to the end of that sentence, “I suppose,” but I do!  I don’t know, I don’t blog about it because I feel as though the good things, are so ephemeral.  I just love that word.  And what I mean by that is what everyone always says, that kind of cliche saying, I don’t even remember the saying.  Just the one that says that you always remember the bad things more than the good things, especially when it comes to compliments and put downs, but I feel this a lot and also more in reference to the bad feels.  Yes, feels.  They’re not bad, well they are, but I mean nothing about death and things.  Just things that make you kind of anxious are the things you tend to think about the most.  And I think, that you have kind of a limit to the things you can think about all at the same time.  And if you’re thinking about something negative, and you keep thinking about negative things, you overtime squeeze out the positive and happy thoughts from your mind.  Not on purpose, just by habit.  I guess that’s why they say think positive, be optimistic.  Because once you hold onto something negative, your whole attitude is infected, and your mind becomes diseased.  At this point, just try your hardest to be positive, fake it till you make it, before it becomes epidemic.  But then at the same time I think that if you fake it you could also end up repressing feelings that you need to let go of, I guess it really depends on what exactly you’re dwelling upon…

Yes so anyway, tomorrow is a new day.  I don’t know why I say things like this, but it is.  You already knew that.  I don’t know.  I don’t know anything.  So funny though, I look in the mirror and I say to myself, “Oh my god pizza face” and laugh.  And then I’m like, “No!  Positive thinking!!  You look nice, me… Lol.”  Yeah I also say lol in my head, it’s kind of pathetic and not an attractive trait.  But you know, I used to “oh em gee,” and I also do that again, sometimes?

Cya,
Just Another Woo Girl

P.s.  These are basically the hashtags which made me laugh and want to blog about it, this is as vague and as specific as I can be, and now, I silently laugh through weird puffing sounds #wordpress #discoverme

P.p.s.  I guess this is also the first time I use hashtags in my post.  Wow, great day for firsts.  I’m going to read some of this blog now.

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Today I saw my future self

Today, in fact I think even maybe this very second as I sit on the train defeated, I’ve seen my future self. I mean maybe face wise. It’s not good. My face has deteriorated and can no longer hold itself up. My eyes are puffy. I don’t want to get old. More specifically, old and ugly. Don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing wrong with getting old. Of course except that I’d rather be young forever. But I think we can all agree that me and my features will not withstand the test of time. And as they all say, Asians deteriorate at an increasingly steep rate all of a sudden. There are heaps of attractive old, and by old I mean grannies, out there whose features still seem to peer through the wrinkles and sagginess. I, however, have a dire future ahead of me. Oh my god. Seriously, I don’t think I want to live if everyday I have to see myself with wrinkles and slowly watch my youth seep slowly from my being. As if everyday I were to wake up and know that another little particle of myself is gone forever.

Obviously this is a rather extreme and superficial outlook on life. But let me be clear, this is only how I see life in the far future from this very moment. It’s almost impossible that I will keep this perspective as I continue to mature and grow, my mind that is.

Why can’t I have it all? I watched some interviews of Aaron Johnson on YouTube and wow has he aged. But he’s still young, he’s supposed to be around 22 or something. But he’s got all crows feet around his eyes. And yes, crows feet are from smiling a lot but, how? Is his wife sucking the youth out of him? Ah yes, that is quite cruel of me and I can try and suppress these superficial thoughts but no matter what, I think it anyway which means there’s no point trying to hide it from everyone. The only reason you would hide thoughts like these is to prevent people from thinking badly about you, that’s self preservation and image issues. But then that can decay your relationships so really, I should keep things like that to myself. But in my defence, everyone is thinking it and they said it about Britney Spears and Madonna…so yeah.

Also the lady who I thought could be my future self was chomping down on a sushi in a single bite. I don’t do this but…I probably would if I was by myself. It’s like how I don’t eat my pork roll unless I’m by myself or with people who I don’t care what they think. That didn’t really make sense but my brain is hurting right now…

It was also awkwardly hot today. It’s winter now and I’m wearing a long sleeve chiffon shirt with a short sleeved sweater over with my anorak. I stepped out of the door today and immediately it was hot. But I didn’t have time to go back and was half an hour late to my lecture anyway…. I don’t even know. I can’t even deal with this sociology essay even though it’s a substitute. This is bad. I really can’t find any good articles. Not even good-but relevant articles!!!!!!!!

I’m tired.

Bye,
Just Another Woo Girl

Don’t try and tell me you don’t want to see what it would be like to grow old with me

YOU’RE IN LOVE EVERY OTHER DAY COS YOU SMILE AT ME LIKE YOU’RE DYING TO SAY THAT YOUR HEARTBEAT STOPS WHEN I’M WALKING AWAY SO DON’T WALK AWAY – YOU’RE IN LOVE!

Imagine drinking wine incessantly and you’ll be kissing me on New Years Eve…

I’m listening to You’re In Love by Betty Who thanks to Tyler Oakley!  It’s been stuck in my head all day but for some reason I’ve got to listen to it on SoundCloud because shitty iTunes won’t let me put it on my phone without syncing…  It’s such an eighties sound and I love it.

Anyway, I literally can’t find any fucking articles on Google Scholar for my substitute sociology assignment and it’s really getting me frustrated and angry!  My breathing is stressed even while I’m typing this!  I’m using all the relevant key words but nothing good comes up!  I’ve got two articles which are alright…

I’m sitting in the law library and when I walked in, it was so quiet.  It was scary.  My friend even wanted to go into the Cone of Silence, the ‘quiet study area’.  I’ve read all the confessions and spotted things on facebook and people get dirties for turning a page too loudly, and breathing.  No way was I going in there.  My friend had described this such phenomenon to me before, and she said that during the day time the sun shone directly from above the cone (there’s like a massive sun roof) and it’s as if there’s a godly beam of light streaming down that should be accompanied by an “Ahhhhhhhh!”

Anyway, I should get back to studying again seeing as this is my substitute assignment.  I was at my sociology lecture today with Salvatore, he is the greatest lecturer ever because he is so kind!!  Everyone says that sociology is really easy, and I can’t really say because I haven’t done the work, but the real reason why it’s so easy is because of Salvatore!  He is so kind and sympathetic!  Basically the exam is multiple choice and really simple and straightforward, unlike the psych exam which is full of tricks.  And the lowest mark you can get is 40/100!  Even if you get zero you’ll still get 40% because he says, that even in an essay, if you actually attempt it properly but it’s crap you won’t get under 40.  Only if it’s not a real attempt will you get under!  So that makes me feel a whole lot better!  So great!  But kind of annoying some two guys behind me kept remarking how they were getting HDs and how Salvatore was nice.  Just shut up, or learn how to whisper.  You know you’re doing it right when no one else can hear you.  And obviously they were doing it wrong.

My friend was like, what are you doing? (while I was typing).  I said, “writing in my blog.”  She like, “Oh, that’s why you were typing so fast.”  I don’t think I could ever even imagine myself typing so fast when writing an essay.   Eugh, even thinking about writing an essay in an exam is giving me anxiety!  I literally know nothing about anything.  Life.

Oh my god Game of Thrones last night.  Fuck, it was crazy!  But so perfect.  The credits with the silence, godly.  We were discussing it, as you do, and basically I was like to my friends, don’t tell me, no spoilers!  And they continued to talk about it ‘without spoilers’ but they spoiled it.  I never want to talk about Game of Thrones with anyone it fucking ruins everything.  And then they try to take the spoiler back, but they can’t.  Eughhh!!!!  Erks me man.

Also, I was gonna watch Gatsby with my old tutoring class but now they’ve all seen it, and I don’t really want to watch it by myself (technically not true).  Life.  Oh life.

I can’t do uni.  Mehhhhhhhhhhhh.

Cya,
Just Another Woo Girl

My foreboding absent fail

So not to bore you all completely, just a quick update on those two essays, substitute one is still not actually started. And I think I’m getting an absent fail for anthropology. Tomorrow is the date, the entire day, that the first of the essays are being handed back. So I’m just going to forfeit this semester and hand myself over to fate. Who knows, I might get a substitute essay after the semester if I achieve a specifically low or high score… So sleep tight all.

Night,
Just Another Woo Girl

P.s. Fuck you iTunes. You’re shit.

A substantial crisis

So for the past few days I’ve had somewhat of a substantial crisis.  Some of you may agree, and some of you may not.  Meh.  Anyway, so I’ve had these two essays due for sociology and anthropology.  Both of which, were due on the same day, I think exactly two weeks ago! And basically, the protocol for late assessments (well my understanding) is that you can only hand them in with the normal penalty, before the date they’re handed back to everyone else. I think I’m actually so stupid, or so weary over study things right now…  But anyway, a few nights ago I was thinking to myself, holy shit, it’s actually been almost two weeks now and that means minus twenty marks for me!

And knowing this, it’s pretty draining.  By this time, I find it impossible for me to actually achieve a pass, which means I will fail.  Psychology is an example of this.  But if I look at my anthropology assignment one, I got a high credit, so I could possible still have a chance of passing that unit.  But whatever.

Anyway, last night I checked my uni email and there was one from my lecturer.  It basically stated some facts about the course, upcoming things like exams.  But one in particularly, became the bane of my existence.  The sociology essay was being handed back on Thursday.  You know what that means.  I quote, the “hard deadline” is tomorrow.  Which in present terms, is today.  I was like holy shit, my life.

To be honest at that point, I didn’t realise the extremity of my position and what actual implications it meant for my future.  But after deliberating with my friends at 4:30pm today, 5.5 hours before it was due, I realised it meant I would automatically fail the unit, if I didn’t hand it in.  Which means I’d either have to take five units in a semester which is 16 hours for me, or do an extra year/semester.  No way.  So the email from my lecturer said, so nicely, “If you don’t think you can meet the deadline, email me and we can discuss a solution.”  Even though it was a gentle and kind leeway, I was still afraid to email him.

I mean, I see my lecturer as a distant figure, a tiny person at the bottom of the hall, chattering away.  Kind of like a celebrity.  I don’t talk to them.  Even when they look at you, how can you know if they’re looking at you.  You don’t smile at them when they look at you in a lecture, you just continue to listen intently and maybe stare back at them.  I find the relationship to be much like a famous musician at a concert, and I, a tiny speck in the crowd.  A tutor is more relatable and approachable.  I mean, for sociology, my lecturer has this thing after a lecture where he shouts students coffees a Taste.  I’ve never gone.  Don’t really plan on going.  But kind of sad that I’ve never gone, seeing as I don’t plan on doing sociology next semester.

You know what, I was so set on doing psychology into senior years, even though I flunked out and it was really hard, I still found it so interesting.  But now I find out you have to do some entire big thing on statistics, and maybe neuroscience.  This could be the death of me! I know if I put the time and effort in, I can do it, but…  No!  I can’t think like that!  Next semester, it’s all in, all brains!  Your brain is a muscle and it needs to be trained, otherwise it turns to moosh!!  True stuff.

Back to the essay.  Anyway, I ended up emailing him with the help of my friends guiding me with what to say.  And he replied to me saying that I can do a substitute assignment, even though it’s completely different.  Fine with me!!  So yeah, pretty ecstatic!

I think the whole point of this post was to say, that this was really and extremely bad, I thought I’d have ages to do the essay before the hard deadline, but turns out I didn’t.  I was even more fucked than I have ever been.  More fucked that handing in an assignment so late the penalty marks end up failing it.  I mean, this would have meant I’d automatically fail the entire course.  So I’m glad.

Except now, I was kind of really chirpy when I was starting this post.  But now I realise, I can’t be.  This is only the beginning.  I’ve still got to do my entire anth essay before Monday morning.  I’ve got two things on this weekend so I’ve got to work hard.

Another thing.  I was planning to go to both my tutes today (since I had a presentation in one and missed my limit for the other) and then going home straight after to finish the essay and hand it in before 10pm.  But I got a text from my friend asking me if I was going to my lecture.  How convenient.  I hadn’t decided yet, but that made my decision all the more easy.  No I wasn’t.  So I hung out with her, and my other friend came from the lecture we were supposed to be in.  She also does sociology, and she was the one who said, I have to email him!  So if I hadn’t decided to be a bad student and not go home and do the essay, I wouldn’t of had an important discussion with my friend that would have allowed me to not fail the unit! I mean realistically, I highly doubt I would’ve been able to finish a really crappy essay anyway.  So what’s the moral of this story?  What is the lesson?  It seems that being bad has rewarded me…  (Oooo philosophical).

Anyway, I should do my anth essay now.  I’m actually at my local library right now!  Haven’t been here since the HSC.  It’s kind of weird.  So many HSC students, I feel out of place.  Wish I had my anth reader with me…  I’ll figure something out.  Or I’ll do my SONA stuff.  I signed up for some study about medicine, it’s online, it’s 2 hours long and fucking the most boring shit ever…  So I guess I’ll do more of that.

Out sistas,
Just Another Woo Girl

I am never painting my nails during the day ever again

So just wanted to let you all know that I am never painting my nails ever again during the day.  Ever.  Usually I do my nails at night before bed because otherwise it hinders me from doing other things during the day, but then my room always smells of poison during the night, not that I really notice…  But for some reason, some stupid reason, I decided to paint my nails in the middle of the day.  Well the reason is procrastination (not that it can really even count as a reason).  So instead of writing my essays, I sat and watched spongebob on my computer whilst doing my nails.

For some reason there’s this massive hype right now, I keep seeing memes about it, of how cool and awesome Spongebob is as a cartoon, and that it should be for adults.  I love how when you watch old children’s shows as an older person-

Oh my god stop right there.  I am an adult.  I am eighteen.  I am an adult.  Holy crap!  This is so weird!!!!!!!  This is the first time I’ve thought of or called myself an adult!!!  Well I actually didn’t call myself one because as I was thinking and typing it in my head it didn’t sound right…  I usually refer or categorise myself as a teenager, because I still am a teenager…  Wow!  I’m an adult!  Not sure whether when I turn nineteen next year that I’ll call myself an adult or still a teenager.  Maybe save adult for when I’m twenty.

Anyway, when you watch kids shows when you’re older there are so many things you don’t pick up on that you do now, like sexual innuendo.  It really makes me think what the writers are thinking when they write stuff like that…  Is it apart of how you make a children’s show?  You have to put sexual things in that they won’t get as some sort of underlying meaning and when they’re older they feel comfortable with sex?  I don’t know.  Well I thought Spongebob had some…  I watched the first few episodes a few weeks ago and didn’t think it lived up to it’s hype.  But now, after a few episodes in I feel like it’s heaps better!  I really like it.  Was never that into Spongebob when I was little anyway.

It’s kind of weird thinking that Spongebob is old, but he is so cute!  He acts like a little kid in the show.  But then Squid-ward is actually like an old man, older man…  So there’s this weird uncle-child relationship…  I don’t know.  Pearl is just weird.  Creeps me out.

So yeah basically painting my nails in the middle of the day has basically made my entire day revolve around painting my nails.  They don’t dry quickly since I’m not using OPI and so I have to be careful.  Then I think they’ve dried, literally six hours later, but they haven’t.  I accidentally scratch like a hole in the middle and have to fill it.  Then I’m in the shower and it moves off the nail and feels like rubber.  And now I’ve had to remove two of my nail polished nails and redo before I sleep because obviously, that is the optimal time.

There’s literally nothing to eat at home.  I saw Maxim icecreams in the freezer every time I opened the fridge but wanted to save it for later.  I was nagging my mum that I wanted icecream and I suppose she or my family friends mum bought it.  And then tonight, I was like, now’s the time, the perfect time, there is no other time before until this time, to eat chocolate coated vanilla ice-cream!  I was so excited.  And then, to my complete horror, it was gone.  All gone.  The box is gone.  Just an empty space left behind.  Fml.  Now I’m eating some seaweed crackers, fuck.

Teen-life,
Just Another Woo Girl

The churning stomach…

What an emotional day.  It was the end of an era, the end of everything, The Office finale…  Oh how I cried.  But another post on that later.  I just checked my psychology essay results, and my internet has been running slow for the past few days, possibly because of all the windows and tabs I have open for online shopping.  Anyway, blackboard is always super slow on the turn it in thing, and whilst waiting for it to load, my stomach was actually churning.  I’m not sure that it’s ever churned before…  Unless churning is also what you call what your stomach does when you’re really hungry.

In my tutorial on Wednesday my tutor was pretty…I’m pretty sure she hinted that we didn’t do very well, and that means, people failed.  I was sure I’d fail.  But then there’s also that tiny tiny part of me that hopes that maybe I am so naturally talented in some area and don’t even know it that I pass…  Well that feeling wasn’t that prominent this time.  And to kill the suspense, I failed.  Horribly.  Well I didn’t fail horribly, but I did fail.  My raw mark was a high pass, it makes me wish that I’d handed it in a week earlier and I would’ve at least passed the essay…but now I’ve failed.  I guess I can take this into account as, I’m not a complete failure, well my work isn’t.  But meh.

I think overall I was pretty prepared to see a whole lot of comments.  And I did.  To be honest I read the first three and couldn’t be bothered anymore.  It’s not even that they were making me feel sad, or bad about myself.  I just assume all the comments will be about similar mistakes, like I’ve stated facts that are actually wrong…  Not that I’m expecting any positive comments, but I doubt I’ll have any of those anyway.  An email went out a few days before saying that the tutors will mark hard?  Actually I don’t think it said hard, but they wouldn’t hold back from pointing out flaws, in order to improve.  And also that the essay isn’t a mark of your potential, or you as a person.  The fact that the coordinator or whoever stated that specifically was comforting to me and made me feel better.  But all in all, I think after writing all this, I feel sad.  I still haven’t started any of my two essays, and in an attempt to start later, I decided to check my results after remembering that they were released at noon.

I don’t even know.  It makes me so sad that I have to do assignments.  Well essays.  I don’t even know…  I went to the bathroom and thought…  Arts is all academic, all about academic essays.  I was thinking of picking up film studies, but then I also realised that that too was about analysis and academic writing.  All the subjects are.  Then I thought about journalism, at UTS or at Usyd, and realised even though it’s not particularly academic, the writing is still supposed to be sophisticated…I don’t really know.  Then I thought about fashion, writing is important, but it’s not the major factor.  Should I be doing that?  I don’t know.  I imagined myself transferring to UTS…not sure how I feel about that.  The only thing I really love about Usyd is the campus, how it’s massive (even though walking is a con) it reminds me of going to uni in America or something.  UTS is literally one ugly and tall building, with ‘campuses’ separated by commercial blocks…  I love Usyd.  Some people say to me, they don’t actually love Usyd, but then others say they love it.  I was sitting in a lecture thinking, I wish all I had to do was listen and take notes, not have to write essays, not have to do exams.  My exams are in less than three weeks and I haven’t even handed in my last two assessments.  Life.

Not to mention tomorrow I have my second day of work.  I didn’t actually tell you how my first day was.  It was last Sunday and I worked five hours…  I work at my old tutoring place.  I don’t really know what I expected, I kind of thought I’d be teaching primary school students.  But tomorrow I have to assist a year twelve class, I don’t even know what to do.  To be honest, I mean I’ve always known and thought this, but I’m not that good at english…  Not good enough to teach other students.  And these students are only a year younger than me, in the position I was in not only a few months ago, and now I’m (sort of) entrusted with their future.  I’m supposed to mark essays and stuff.  I remember having tutors help me with mine, they gave me examples, what to put in my essay, things I need to expand on and points.  My tutor even gave me and my friend essays to mark one time, I literally had no suggestions and have no idea.  It’s because I’m not at all confident or opinionated about these things, I have no idea what the author is trying to say, or what they are saying.  So how can I possibly help others…  Not to mention again that the class splits into two, one on Hamlet and one on Yeats.  I don’t even know what the fuck Yeats is.  I think I have to research or read up on it before tomorrow.  And read up on techniques that I’ve forgotten…  One of the girls who I’m assisting said that I have to get used to teaching stuff I don’t know at this tutoring place.  This makes me sad.  I suck seriously.  I’m considering resigning because I literally don’t think I have what it takes to teach or even assist or even mark HSC essays…  I don’t know how I’m going to survive the two hours tomorrow, bullshitting my way through, pretending to be smart.

I was watching BeautyCrush on youtube again today, of her behind the scenes of fashion shoots (link here).  It made me realise that I’ve got to learn to get used to this feeling because all my life it will be like this.  Sammi was helping with styling at the shoot with people I assume she’s never met.  Caught a plane alone to Ibiza to meet with people she’s never met.  Had to have lunch and make small talk with them.  Feeling like a newbie, which is what I feel like at work, and sometimes at uni.  I say sometimes at uni because I don’t feel like that all the time, but I am still a fresher and literally think it in my mind.  Yeah I don’t really know where I was going with this or if I’ve already made my point but whatever…

Oh watching the video also made me want to be a model (lol).  It just looks so fun!  Not that I’d ever be one.  It reminds me of being an actor or something because you have to audition all the time and you’ll get rejected and things like that…

Sigh, I’ve also run out the Tim Tams my mum bought…  So no more delicious Tim Tams with tea…  I don’t know if I told you but I finally found Yorkshire tea!  It was in Coles I think.  I was getting more tea after I’d run out of English Breakfast and saw it just sitting there!  Finally when I wasn’t looking for it, it appears!!  And then I wikipedia-ed it in store to see if it was the actual one, and it was!  So yorkshire tea is the brand, and it makes black tea, so there is no other Yorkshire tea.  That’s just what I’ve gathered…  Here’s the attractive picture I took.

Image

I actually think this picture is attractive, not sarcasm.  Well actually this is far too big, I can really see it all in it’s not so glorious form.  I think shopping would make me feel a lot better…  But there’s no time for that.  I really can’t fucking be bothered.  I can’t go now since all the stores will close/have closed.  I can’t go tomorrow since there’s not enough time before work.  I have to start my assignment tonight and also read up on Hamlet, Yeats and techniques.  That’s for tonight and tomorrow morning.  Then I have to work until two, and then probably walk around my local stores and see nothing worthy compared to the top shop pants I want.  Maybe I should just trek it out there tomorrow on a fucking Sunday to buy them if the weather is good…  Shops close early on Sunday as well…  I don’t know.  It’s really pissing me off that I can’t make the picture smaller.  It’s either me or wordpress, but either way it’s pissing me off.  Minus one to wordpress, fuck.  I woke up at like twelve today and realised it was sunny outside, opposed to the rainy weather report.  Annoyed…!!!!  I should’ve gone to the library but I thought it’d be raining and I don’t like going outside when the weather is that miserable.  Lugging around an umbrella is the worst.  I really need to buy a new umbrella, some sort of compact one, but not enough money to spare for that.  My mum is so annoying, I don’t ask her for money for things I want, like clothes and stuff, nor do I go shopping with her because every time I regret it.  Anyway, so one time she was like, just tell me what you want and I’ll give you money, and you concentrate on studying.  I think this was in reference to me not having a job before and not having any money because literally no one would hire unexperienced me.  I really wanted to work in Sportsgirl or General Pants or even Glue.  I think one person kept saying to me, General Pants is so exclusive, and I was thinking, I fucking know, but there’s no harm in still applying…!!  Yeah well my mum hasn’t really done anything to support what she’s said.  Plus she only says things like that when other people are around.  Meh.

Cya bitchez,
Just Another Woo Girl

Pointless

So hello, I am so not in the mood for life.  I collected my philosophy essay today after my tutorial.  My tutor told our class that no one failed, so yay, I was happy to hear that.  Other than that, I got my essay back, and to be honest, I saw the mark and thought, meh.  I didn’t want to read the comments because I was with a friend, and was hungry and rather not be bummed out from the comments.  I mean, I scraped a pass with my ten mark loss, so the comments wouldn’t be praising.  I was already in the pass zone without the penalty, so you can probably guess how low I scored…

I love my tutor though, he’s so cool.  Such an awesome tutor.  If I compare him to my other two tutors, he is better infinitely…  I’m seriously rethinking taking philosophy next semester, I’m obviously shit.  In fact, I scored ‘poor’ on referencing and bibliography.  That’s not all that crucial to the content, but he also commented that I said that other academics said something that they actually didn’t…  Fml.  That’s pretty important.  And basically I suck at everything.  Although, he ended the comments with, good work!  I’m not sure how to take that.  I wonder what he says on HD essays, “Incredibly amazing young Einstein!”  Fml.  If he’s saying good work to make me feel better, then, I don’t know.  If he says it but actually means it in a mediocre way that is representative of my work, meaning he thinks my shit is actually good, then that’s sad for me.  I don’t even know what I’m talking about anymore.

Also the comments he left where quite vague, and I guess I’m not good at all with criticism even though I know my essay sucks.  I don’t even have the will or want to do my two late essays now.  This is the worst time of my life.  It was tough enough for me to do the philosophy and psychology essays, let alone anthropology and sociology essays that were due on the same day.  In fact, it will be a ten mark penalty by tomorrow.  If these were the first essays to do, I’d probably have a more optimistic outlook and pull an all nighter.

The thing is, I just can’t be fucked, but then I don’t want to fail.  If I attempt the essay I could scrape by with a pass.  But now, I don’t even know if I will since it’ll be so late.  I don’t want to live if living is like this.  What can I do?  I don’t mean this as, what can I do – do my essay.  I mean, what can I do – this course is not for me.  Or maybe these subjects are not for me.

Will I go out this week?  I kind of just feel like chilling, and if it’s at night, chilling at a bar with live music and going home at like eleven or twelve…  Nothing really calls to me.  The last time I went clubbing was to Pontoon (an asian club) and basically, meh, that encapsulates the whole night.  I’m not sure whether it’s the club (highly likely and influential since, blurgh) or just that it’s not as fun as it was when I went out the first time.  Also, every time I go out, I would only go if I know how I’m getting home.  And now, even when people who live near me go out, they go home a different way with other people so it’s kind of a hopeless and stupid situation.

Actually it’s weird.  I feel like everyone wants to go out clubbing but all I want to do is go shopping and chill.  It’s like a complete turn around from last holidays…  Life.  But I don’t have any money.  I had a lot of money last holidays.  Meh.  I wonder why I feel so down, is it because I’m going to get my period soon?  Is it because I’m failing uni?  Is it because I have no money which is stopping me from fulfilling my material wishes?  To be honest, if I had a lot, I mean even more than what I had last holidays, I would be able to go out and just get a cab home, but I can’t.

So what I learnt today in psych is to live in the present.  It’s kind of a generic motto.  But the real question is how do you live in the present?  What I’m doing now, writing in my blog, doesn’t seem that fulfilling or amazing, it’s not propelling myself into some sort of awesome future.

Actually I read this really creepy and distressing story on reddit, I’ll link it here.  It could also be a reason why my mood is not lifted… (Click to read the scary story).  It really is an intense story, gets you right in the thick of it all…

And fuck, I forgot to do my weekly psychology quiz.  Fuck my life.  I’d set an alarm for Sunday afternoons, and I always do it, but I saw the alarm, and forgot about it…

Arts…  What a waste.  Unless you are amazing at one field, it’s so pointless.  My life is pointless…  My studies are pointless…  I don’t think I have clinical depression but I read somewhere people who sleep a lot could be depressed…

And as I sit here typing feeling sorry for myself, I could start on my sociology essay.  I’m really going to fail.  I really, truly, am.  I will.  I can’t even hold an optimistic view…  My hair gets so greasy to quickly now.  I’m pretty sure I washed it yesterday and now it feels a bit oily.  Maybe it’s because I sprayed it with hairspray…  Putting on some Jedward to make me feel better.

Oh I love listening to Lana Del Rey when I’m walking or going places, it makes me feel like I’m in a movie or something, soundtrack to my life!  Fun.

Life,
Just Another Woo Girl

My un-funny dad

Just seriously lol.  I don’t even know, sometimes I find my parents interesting and funny, but only funny when they do silly things, not funny in an intellectually humorous way.  But majority of the time, they’re boring.  I think tonight, it’s safe to say, I can clearly make this conclusion.  I mean, I’ve thought it before when I’d have to sit at their dinner ‘parties’ and listen, nodding, eating, to their mundane conversations.  I guess when I was younger I attributed this to being young, and having different interests or ideas of what interesting topics of conversation were.  Not that I’d even distinguish talking over food as going through topics of conversation when I was little, or even now.  But seriously, so boring, it’s funny.
So one of my family friends from Singapore came to Sydney to study last year, she’s fluent in English and everything and gets the culture, she’s not a fob.  And this year she came to live with us, since our house has so many, well not that many, empty rooms.  And yesterday her parents came to visit to look at apartments to buy, and so they’re staying with us as well.  
Side note, I didn’t want to come out and see them since I don’t wear make up at home, and I thought having two essays to write that are already late was excuse enough.  Turns out, it’s not, and it’s pretty awkward having to sit at dinner with them tonight when it’s like I’ve avoided seeing them in my own house.  I feel so guilty, but then at the same time, after that dinner, glad I didn’t come out of my room.  I mean, they were at dinner for like three hours last night and I can’t imagine what they were talking about.  Actually I can, probably the same as tonight but about buying houses, because tonight was about bank loans.  
So I’m just enjoying the food my mums made, so yummy.  Except now that I’ve finished I feel sick and too full…  And my dad’s talking away, really mundanely, and her two parents are just listening.  So my parents and her parents go way back I think, not really sure to where, maybe my dad and her dad were uni friends…  And he’s telling them, explaining to them, the entire process of how we came to buy this house, and what loans he took.  Comparison: they bought an apartment within one day of coming to Sydney, my parents took around three.  
Whilst he was telling them the boring process, I thought to myself, maybe it’s just what he’s talking about that’s boring, not the entire conversation.  And I thought, how would I say what he’s saying?  “You’ve got to look at two different banks when you take out a loan to get the best offer.  I ended up with blah blah blah blah blah blah blah the end.”  I could say what he was saying much more quickly, and more interestingly.  Instead, my dad is dragging out the entire process trying to see if there’s some sort of reaction from his audience.  He’s putting in heaps of dramatic pauses in between words, I don’t even know.
Then he makes a joke saying in a serious voice, “I did not do anything illegal.  I would never do anything illegal because I don’t want to go to jail.”  Then bursts out laughing.  Literally no one laughed.  I felt kind of bad.  My mum was like, “that’s not funny, stop.”  And then I laughed because it was just so funny that it wasn’t.  But seriously, my dad thinks he’s so funny and laughs at his own jokes and no one else laughs.  It’s tragic.  Not even his age peers laugh.  I guess humour doesn’t age with age, it’s generally the same.  My mum’s like, “why are you laughing?”  I half think she thought I was actually laughing at my dad’s joke…  And then I left.
Ah assignments…
Lol,
Just Another Woo Girl

Dreaming of bantering with The Wanted

I have some majorly serious procrastination issues, and I feel like even calling them simply ‘procrastination issues’ is an understatement and gives it some sort of power that it doesn’t actually have, I mean, the problem isn’t procrastination, the problem is me procrastinating, me!  Anyway, so basically to my body’s dismay, I slept the whole day.  The thing is, I can say that I didn’t want to, because I did, just to get away from doing my assignments.  So even though my mind is bright, my body is seriously dragging me down, oversleeping is a curse, now I know why Sleeping Beauty didn’t want to sleep anymore…  She must’ve felt like death when she woke up, aside from the fact that a sexy prince was the one to kiss her awake…

So on the plus side, I had another incredibly amazing and vivid dream, better than any yet, about The Wanted.  It makes me sad that I can’t remember the details of it, since I dreamt it maybe four hours ago, but I’ll try to recount the highlights, for my and maybe your pleasure.

I think we were in a shopping centre, me and all five of the boys.  Nathan’s voice was fine.  I think we were in Top Shop or something similar like Sportsgirl with a vintage section (I really want to go shopping and buy new pants because it’s getting cold).  And I’m not all that sure what happened after but I ended up sitting around this table in the shopping centre on some couches.  I was sitting next to Jay (my love) and all the boys were around, we were just talking and laughing about things I again don’t remember.  Then I think we started singing along to their new single Walks Like Rihanna and we were all miming and bopping and making faces at each other, and I think this was the best time of my dream life.  I can’t really specify as to what we were talking about so it’s a bit vague as to why it was fun, but I remember me and all the boys in the dream really laughing and just being crazy!  Ah fun times in my dream.  Me and Jay, oh if only there was such a thing!  Only in my vivid dreams.  Bantering, smiling, laughing…

And then I woke up.  And I tried to go back to sleep so the dream could continue, but as we all know, it never happens…  The Wanted left Sydney yesterday and my heart is breaking, I wish they were here for longer, or lived here, or I don’t even know, they flew off to Melbourne and are off to Japan tonight or tomorrow.  But I feel so lucky and privileged that they chose to perform their latest single live for the first time in Australia!  And in Sydney too, my home town!  Amazing, I love them so much!  When are they seriously going to tour Australia?!

One Direction also announced their 2014 Where We Are Tour!!  I’m so excited!!!  I want to go so badly!  Oh those boys, I love them all!  Anyway, got two essays to write which I haven’t started and they were due two days ago!  At least these are for anthropology and sociology, so it’s two marks a working day…

It hit me recently, that I actually am so angry and annoyed that my sister told me sociology was so incredibly interesting..!!  Fuck no!!!!  And then she’s like to me, “Whoops!  Got sociology and social psychology mixed up!”  Now I realise HOW FUCKING PISSED OFF I AM!!!  Sociology is the damned most boring subject of them all, I seriously do not give a fucking fuck about the content!  And I know social psychology is interesting, because I’m doing psychology!!  If I didn’t change to fucking most boring sociology, I could be doing fun and easy linguistics!!!!!!  FUCK MY LIFE!!!!  Linguistics doesn’t even have an exam at the end!!!  Fucking hell.  Never listening to my sister again.

Life,
Just Another Woo Girl