Alrightio

Oh hey there.  It’s been a long time.  I would love to write a post saying how much things have changed, how organised and amazing I’ve become, but that’s just not the case.  However, although I’m not at a point in my life where I can say I am the best I can possibly be, I have actually improved a lot!  Now, that is not saying I was awful before, because that would just be unnecessary negativity.  I think it’s best to always think you can improve, but also to be happy with the way you are.  Sometimes negativity in the present can be a great motivator, but really that’s unhealthy, because once you’ve reached your goals, you’ll think oh no, this isn’t enough.  You can’t do things to make yourself happy if you aren’t already happy.  You have to always be happy in the position you’re in, but not complacent.  Why do I even bother explaining things like this, because I really can’t explain what I’m thinking properly, hence, why quotes are so popular.  

Anyway, that was the most bland thing I’ve ever written.  Moving on.  I have a psychology test tomorrow, and to be honest, it should be quite easy.  Except for the fact that I haven’t studied for it.  There isn’t even that much content, literally only a few work sheets from four tutorials, but you know, I don’t really even have motivation.  But I need to get motivated, right now!  I can’t wait for this semester to be over.  I don’t know what I’m going to do in the holidays, but I just know that all this study needs to end.  I’ve actually been studying quite consistently this year so far.  I’ve only handed in two things late I think.  I just really need myself to know that I simply cannot afford to fail anything for the rest of my academic career, especially at my university, because I will surely get kicked out.  But there’s something horrible, for my philosophy essay that is worth 50%, in which I half actually, probably 85% tried for, I literally got 53%.  What the fuck is this shit.  I mean this is arts, I should at least get 60!!!  I mean are you kidding me.  I also got 2 marks deducted after that for handing it in a day late which means I’m literally on the brink of failing this course, when I’ve handed everything in!!!  THIS IS TERRIFYING AND ALSO MAKES ME SO ANGRY!!!  First of all, my tutor is actually crap.  Apparently she is good at logic type philosophy, but not the one she is being paid to tutor for.  She literally has no opinions, doesn’t know about meta-philosophy, so what the hell is she doing as our tutor?!  I cannot stand this.  And to only scrape a pass is ridiculous!!!  Even for Art History I got a higher mark, and probably failed some of the assessments since I knew jack-shit on it.  And to be honest, that was my fault because I didn’t study enough, and my tutor was really great so I did learn a lot in class, so if it wasn’t for him I’d probably fail.  But this tutorial is the worst ever and I do not gain anything from going to it.  Well at least there’s not participation marks for it because I’ve missed so many.  Hopefully I still make the cut-off…if there even is one.  

So after this unexpected rant I’ll go back to looking over my tutorial notes I suppose.  Good times.  I’m a bit tired from doing nothing all day except edit some photos from Friday night’s party and make food.  I tried to do gluten free brownie in a mug tonight, but I added too much salt so it wasn’t very tasty, so I threw it.  Oh well.  Nothing really compares to the gluten free funky fudge from WellCo, it’s the best. So chewy I can’t even handle it.  Jokes, I can.  Because I have the greatest sweet tooth of all time.

You know what fucking peeves me?  Is like, don’t get back with your ex’s unless you’ve changed.  And in this case, I don’t even care, just don’t do it, you fuck wit.  Maybe it’s cool maybe it isn’t, just don’t.  Okay now I’m getting frustrated inside.  This is not good prep for studying.  And I need to study.  Really, the need is real.  So, you’re a fuckwit and a little shit, and the next time I see you, I will smile, but inside I will be saying, “fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you…etc.”.

Alrightio,
Just Another Woo Girl

Advertisements

I almost!!!! But then I don’t

Sigh myself, I am the worst ever.  Here I am sitting, all by my lonesome, in my messy room, in my gym clothes, with makeup on, all ready, hair tied up, but no I ain’t going to the gym.  See?  I am the complete worst.

Now I’d just like to say that I have a full face of makeup because I thought I was going to get my OPG scan to get my wisdom teeth out today.  I had already agreed with my mum that she would take me in the afternoon.  But when I woke up she was gone.  So I got ready and half waited for her, and half stared at myself in the mirror trying to fix the horrors of my hair (more on that later).  She came home at 5:30pm and didn’t say anything.  So yeah, you suck!

I mean I knew I was maybe going to the gym later anyway so getting ready was a good thing.  And yeah I always wear a full face of makeup to the gym anyway.  My skin is so horrible right now, and sort of as always.  It’s flaky, peeling and dry from my acne creams…making my foundation look real cakey.

To be honest I actually was ready and wanted to go to the gym today, except eugh, my mind kept saying to me, “the gym is not for fat people,” which is so totally stupid and ironic because how will I ever be skinny and ripped if I don’t go to the gym?  I’m still waiting for me to become skinny fat, I must work harder!!  Mind over matter!  Another reason I decided not to go was that I don’t have a gym bag, or even just a suitable bag to bring to the gym, so I didn’t go.  Also, I swear I have the roundest face ever, especially also because I’m chubby, so I never tie my hair up (which I miss doing by the way).

I’m sad.  My room is messy.  My room is hot.  My skin is crap.  I am fat.

I should stop complaining!!!! That’s it I’m going to clean my room right now!  No more talk, no more typing about it on the computer!!!!  I swear…I am really tired from doing nothing.  But…

I don’t know.  I feel like I never have any clear thoughts about anything anymore.  Maybe my life is bland.  Maybe I’ve just gotten better at thinking it all out in my head.  Or maybe I’ve simply repressed thinking about anything slightly difficult.  My ponytail is so tight right now it’s sucking the brain cells out of my head.

Is it possible to have green tea overdose?  I watched some weight loss video on youtube about how green tea helps boost your metabolism and how you should drink it at least three times a day.  I think so far I’ve had a bit more than three glasses and I feel a bit sick.  Maybe it’s my lack of exercise.  And every time I eat, I feel hungry almost immediately after, in fact, i don’t even feel remotely full at all!  And I don’t think it’s what I’m eating because for breakfast I ate beans, an egg and a slice of toast.  And for lunch I had a salad with some turkey and teeny bit of pork…  That’s pretty high in protein and low in carbs!  I don’t know!!!!!!! 

Life,
Just Another Woo Girl

Please use your inside voice

Lol my fan is so loud when I close the door I can’t hear my parents screaming at each other.

I actually sort of think my dad may go through some sort of monthly issue like PMS but I don’t think there’s any sort of scientific reason behind his temperamental and anger management issues.  It’s weird because he used to be a lot worse.  And when I say used to, I mean maybe around six years ago?  I mean recently we had a huge fight because I wanted to turn on the air conditioning and he said it’s a waste of energy and basically said he would kill me at that very moment by punching me and he wouldn’t even care about the consequences.

Literally I said to him, okay, the fuck is wrong with you?  Why are you being so crazy over the air conditioning…  And I slammed the door and then he rams into it trying to get in like a fucking maniac saying he’s going to knock me dead.  I was like okay, kill me then (you idiot).  And then he’s all like, “why you slam the door?!”  And I say, because I’m angry at you for not letting me turn on the air conditioning when my room is fucking what 35 degrees and I can’t breathe, i.e. what we were just arguing about (idiot).  And he gets even more angry because he doesn’t like my answer and I’m like, what, that’s exactly why I slammed the door and I don’t even give a fuck.

What’s weird is that my mum was downstairs shouting for him to stop screaming, yet she didn’t take the actual effort to come and stop him.  I mean, hello, he said he was going to murder your own daughter, what are you gonna do about it.  Obviously she’d rather I die than to come up and have him get angry at her as well.  So good luck dealing with the popo when they find a dead teenage girls body in your house that is your freaking daughter.

Anyway so right now I’m just chilling in the only place in my room that I can sit down on, my bed.  I was about to start planning my (very stressful) 19th birthday when I realised, oops, my bladder is almost full.  Not oops, I did not actually piss myself thanks.  So I opened my door and was surprised to hear my parents screaming at each other again in chinese.  As usual when I first hear them fight, my heart is like “uh oh,” and I slowly freeze and try to listen.  Realise this, I am all the way upstairs, nearly on the other end of the house and they’re in the kitchen.  What I mean by that, is their shouting is motherfucking loud.  All I can understand mostly is something about arms and hitting them, and maybe murder.  Sigh, just calm the fuck down.  My aunty is over as well so please, calm the fuck down.

So yeah I don’t really know what they were arguing about.  I heard something about money and medication, maybe for my mum, or from my acne creams, I don’t know.  I feel like they might be stressed over all the investment properties they’ve bought, which is quite a lot.  And I feel like they don’t even really know what they’re doing…

I dunno.  Every time I turn on the air conditioning because it’s too hot in my room my mum’s like, just come downstairs it’s cooler.  First of all, everything I want is in my room.  If I’m at home I’m in my room (or the kitchen).  Secondly, why the hell would I want to hang around downstairs with you.  You stare at me, watch what I’m doing on my computer or phone, annoy me, and do gross things

I could tell my dad was pissed even when I got home.  I had thought, er how can you be pissed already, what can you even pissed off about.  The only thing I can think of that I know about is that my aunty came over for dinner, but mum hadn’t made dinner, and dad tried calling her but mum didn’t pick up her phone because the screen was frozen.  Which to be honest, is a much too petty reason to be angry.  Why don’t you just cook?  He was planning to just eat at our local japanese restaurant which has yummy eel, but mum was just like no, I’ll cook fish and stuff, it’s quick.  I think he might’ve gotten pissed then.

Also this event that I will describe to you pretty much confirms his jealousy of my meal freedom.  You see, one day mum made dinner, but I ate a mango instead.  And today, mum is making dinner, and I had a delicious pork roll instead, and some ice cream.  And today, my aunt was apparently eyeing the mangos but my dad told her that they were for me (lol).  He was very bitter about this.  Because mum then said to him, er she (my aunt) can eat them!  They’re not all for me (me).  And he got pissy because my mum told him that he basically couldn’t eat the mango the other day because it was for me.  I dunno this explanation is boring.  So maybe their argument stemmed from that.

But to be honest, I can’t even be bothered trying to decipher why the fuck they’re fighting because a lot of the times the things they scream over are fucking petty as fuck.  They can be so immature.

And what I also thought when I peed was that, this is why I’m like this.  I scream at them because they scream at each other, and they also used to scream at me.  Every teenager probably feels like this but it was fucking annoying when I used to (and sometimes still) fight with my parents and they don’t even fucking listen to what you’re actually saying, and this tends to lead to screaming.  Though the thing is, what I then thought in my puny brain, is that I can’t blame them for how I am now.  When I was little you can blame them, because you don’t know any better.  But the fact that I am aware and so conscious of this I have the power to be different a change.  I have my own mind and make my own decisions about how I want to be.

That’s how I feel about complacent people.  I know I am lazy, that’s not something I’m proud of or attribute to “just being me.”  It’s something that I want to change.  But people who are just complacent with their flaws that they know are fucking flaws and basically prevent them from achieving and succeeding and being the best they can be at life, are just fucking stupid.  Being hard working, and not lazy, is so important for just life.  Everything is hard and takes effort, you just have to realise this.  Anything easy is not worth doing.  It’s only when it becomes difficult and you overcome obstacles that what you do is worthwhile.

So derp.

Sigh I have to clean my room it is actually a dump.  And I have so many new clothes and shoes to find a home for.  And I have to plan my birthday.  And I have to make facebook events.  And just life is a lot to do and it’s hard.  I spent too much money today…

Anyway, no more complaining…

Cya,
Just Another Woo Girl

Mum barging into my room

So fucking annoying.  Seriously.

She has done this so many times now, I swear she just wants to see me clotheless.  Eugh, I just want to gauge my eyes out.  Fuck!!!!!  Anyway, again today, she does it.  I have a huge headache from I guess being dehydrated and staring at a computer for a few hours and when I got home, I took off all my clothes to get ready for a shower.  I was standing in front of my mirror clotheless, calmly taking off my make up.  Just thinking about the shower that is to come, hoping it will take away my headache without me having to take panadol.  I mean, I don’t have a thing against panadol, in fact I always take it as soon as I have a headache, which is sometimes a lot.  The only reason I didn’t want to today was because my water bottle is empty and I couldn’t/can’t be fucked to go downstairs.

Side note, it didn’t take away my headache.  So I’m typing this whilst still having a mild headache. I’m such a lazy fuck.

I hear my mum come up the stairs.  I hear her footsteps approach my room.  I hear her turn the door knob.

“Go away I’m changing!!!”

The door knob continues to turn.

I turn around with my arms across my chest, “GO AWAY!!!!!!!!!!!!”

Fuck, she sticks her turd head in the door and then is like “Oops!” with a retarded grin on her head.  And closes the door quickly.

FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU.  OOPS MY FUCKING ARSE.  Far out!!!!  She literally doesn’t learn, wants to piss me off, and doesn’t fucking listen!  I clearly shout from my room, “Go away!!  I’m changing!!!”  Several times and she still continues to stick her head in the door!  As if she has to inspect if I’m actually doing what I’m saying, or doing something ‘naughty’.  Fucking hell!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I seriously need to install a lock on my door.  Preferably one that I can also lock from the outside with a key when I’m not home, because, I know, for a fact that she snoops around in my shit.

Fucking hell,
Just Another Woo Girl