Alrightio

Oh hey there.  It’s been a long time.  I would love to write a post saying how much things have changed, how organised and amazing I’ve become, but that’s just not the case.  However, although I’m not at a point in my life where I can say I am the best I can possibly be, I have actually improved a lot!  Now, that is not saying I was awful before, because that would just be unnecessary negativity.  I think it’s best to always think you can improve, but also to be happy with the way you are.  Sometimes negativity in the present can be a great motivator, but really that’s unhealthy, because once you’ve reached your goals, you’ll think oh no, this isn’t enough.  You can’t do things to make yourself happy if you aren’t already happy.  You have to always be happy in the position you’re in, but not complacent.  Why do I even bother explaining things like this, because I really can’t explain what I’m thinking properly, hence, why quotes are so popular.  

Anyway, that was the most bland thing I’ve ever written.  Moving on.  I have a psychology test tomorrow, and to be honest, it should be quite easy.  Except for the fact that I haven’t studied for it.  There isn’t even that much content, literally only a few work sheets from four tutorials, but you know, I don’t really even have motivation.  But I need to get motivated, right now!  I can’t wait for this semester to be over.  I don’t know what I’m going to do in the holidays, but I just know that all this study needs to end.  I’ve actually been studying quite consistently this year so far.  I’ve only handed in two things late I think.  I just really need myself to know that I simply cannot afford to fail anything for the rest of my academic career, especially at my university, because I will surely get kicked out.  But there’s something horrible, for my philosophy essay that is worth 50%, in which I half actually, probably 85% tried for, I literally got 53%.  What the fuck is this shit.  I mean this is arts, I should at least get 60!!!  I mean are you kidding me.  I also got 2 marks deducted after that for handing it in a day late which means I’m literally on the brink of failing this course, when I’ve handed everything in!!!  THIS IS TERRIFYING AND ALSO MAKES ME SO ANGRY!!!  First of all, my tutor is actually crap.  Apparently she is good at logic type philosophy, but not the one she is being paid to tutor for.  She literally has no opinions, doesn’t know about meta-philosophy, so what the hell is she doing as our tutor?!  I cannot stand this.  And to only scrape a pass is ridiculous!!!  Even for Art History I got a higher mark, and probably failed some of the assessments since I knew jack-shit on it.  And to be honest, that was my fault because I didn’t study enough, and my tutor was really great so I did learn a lot in class, so if it wasn’t for him I’d probably fail.  But this tutorial is the worst ever and I do not gain anything from going to it.  Well at least there’s not participation marks for it because I’ve missed so many.  Hopefully I still make the cut-off…if there even is one.  

So after this unexpected rant I’ll go back to looking over my tutorial notes I suppose.  Good times.  I’m a bit tired from doing nothing all day except edit some photos from Friday night’s party and make food.  I tried to do gluten free brownie in a mug tonight, but I added too much salt so it wasn’t very tasty, so I threw it.  Oh well.  Nothing really compares to the gluten free funky fudge from WellCo, it’s the best. So chewy I can’t even handle it.  Jokes, I can.  Because I have the greatest sweet tooth of all time.

You know what fucking peeves me?  Is like, don’t get back with your ex’s unless you’ve changed.  And in this case, I don’t even care, just don’t do it, you fuck wit.  Maybe it’s cool maybe it isn’t, just don’t.  Okay now I’m getting frustrated inside.  This is not good prep for studying.  And I need to study.  Really, the need is real.  So, you’re a fuckwit and a little shit, and the next time I see you, I will smile, but inside I will be saying, “fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you…etc.”.

Alrightio,
Just Another Woo Girl

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Holy crap I have nothing to offer

“The group project is to encourage the ability to work collaboratively and effectively in groups; to manage conflicts appropriately and ethically; and to pool knowledge and abilities to produce a superior report of research and analysis, including a critique of published research.”

Holy crap I have nothing to offer.

Take deep breathes, stay calm, you can do it.  I’m sitting here at my desk, for the first time in the whole holidays writing a pros and cons list of why and why not I should take a second major in psychology.  There are so many opinions running through my head that make me just want to break down and have a good cry.  I just really need to figure out what it is that I want to do this year.

Well I want to get good grades and transfer, but also discover and learn new things that may open my mind to new possibilities (this is important because I still don’t know what I want to transfer into).  I hope writing out some thoughts that don’t fit into my pros and cons list is productive, I’ll just say it is because otherwise I will surely have an anxiety attack.

I’m just confused.  And I can’t even categorise it into what I’m confused about, that’s how confused I am.  Am I confused about myself?  My passions?  My abilities?  What I like?  Sometimes people say, you can do anything.  But then on the other hand, people will say to me, you’re doing arts, you can’t do science, good luck with statistics next semester, and laugh.  The thing is, can I do different things?  People say you can, try new things all the time, at least give it go.  I’ve given it a go, psychology and statistics, I did it last semester.  But did I really give it a good try?  Because I didn’t study the entire year, why did I not study?  I tried to in the beginning, and then just conked out.  Does this mean university isn’t for me?  I used to think I was smart, at least pretty smart and not an idiot, but now I’m beginning to think that I’m actually stupid.  I mean, even if I was a bit smart before in high school, I feel like I’ve completely lost any sort of academic intelligence.  Do I just need to ‘retrain’ myself?  Or am I just stuck being stupid.  But I don’t believe that anyone is ever stuck.  When people ask me for advice I always know what to do (well generally).  But sometimes I wonder, do they want to know what I would do.  I give advice, in a way where it’s kind of the epitome of ‘goodness,’ and I’ll usually add in what I would do personally in that situation.  Giving advice is hard because the person who actually needs it is the only one who can really know what is best for them.  But when I give advice to myself I always back hand the ‘good’ advice with something less encourage-able, a more dire outlook on life.

So maybe I should try and give advice to myself as I would give to others in my situation.  So me as my outer self is giving me as my inner self advice: Should I study psychology?  It’s really hard, it has statistics, and I’ve always almost prided myself to be a non-maths and non-science person even though I used to love science when I was little.  Science has always interested me, but I was never much good at it, I’d always prefer studying for music or doing practicals in textiles, drawing, or even learning languages or thinking deeply about concepts in english.  I guess now I see that those are the things I love, but I’m not doing any of those things anymore which to be true to myself, is really quite sad.  The most I do is sing in the shower, play the piano when no ones home, and the last time I did anything to do with textiles was alter my birthday dress (which I had great fun doing) and cutting tops into crop tops.  Though I think languages weren’t really my forte since I didn’t pick it up as an elective, even though I was acing French like a boss, still can’t hold on to a French accent though, or any, maybe with practice.  This will also seem like a petty reason, which it is, it’s that continuing with psychology will mean I have to deal with a clashing lecture.  I’ll probably have to listen to the stats lecture online, which I’m not sure, it could be detrimental to my learning.  For PSYC2011 we have an in-tutorial quiz every few weeks, I’m scared.  Reading the course outline makes me scared.  There’s a group assignment and I’m so scared I’ll let my class mates down, I really sucked last year, and I’m scared even if I try really hard I won’t be able to it.  I wonder if I try to pretend to be positive I will end up being positive, and succeeding.  Or on the other hand I will fail miserably and probably fall into some sort of deep depression.  Writing this is making me so sad.  Should I try and give myself advice now?  Get ready for some pump up talk (this is going to get weird I can feel it already).

Dear self, I know you’re having troubles right now, believing in yourself, but you can do it if you put your mind to it.  You can achieve anything.  You’ve got your entire life and you’re only nineteen, you can’t give up now because what will happen for the rest of your life?  You can’t be complacent.  Nothing is easy.  And everything that is easy gets harder, but that’s what makes it worth while, makes life worth living.  Pursue your short term goals and they’ll evolve into long term goals, into your career, into your passion, and into your life. Do what makes you happy.  If you don’t know what makes you happy, then try new things, how about you try actually trying this year.  Don’t give up.  If you’ve fallen behind, don’t go anywhere, don’t do anything, study, get back on track, and maybe reward yourself.  It doesn’t matter if your timetable is difficult right now, you have to do what you have to do.  I think you should do psychology and listen to stats online, it’ll give you time to process what they’re saying, pause and listen, take notes, especially if it’s hard.  You just have to make sure you listen every week.  Set some classes on Tuesday and go to uni, and listen to the lecture afterwards.  Doesn’t matter if you’re tired, you’re always tired because you’re a bit of a major lazy shit.  It’s time to get up early and just go.  You used to get up at 7:15am for high school, what makes university different?  Get up, get ready, go to uni, or take your time and have a proper breakfast, meet up with people before you head off, if you’re at uni early go to the library and revise your readings, don’t be late to class.  It doesn’t matter if you only have class for a tiny bit in the morning on Tuesdays and it’s your only class and you have to go because it’s a tutorial, you will study afterwards.  It doesn’t matter that you’ll have one less day to work, and one less day to make money for an overseas trip because uni is more important, it’s how you’ll make money in the future, and real career professional money, not retail base rate teenager pay.  If you study hard and properly you won’t let your class mates down.  Just try your best, that’s all you can do.  Uni is a full time job, five days a week, you’ll have a work shift now and then but don’t let that make you tired and think, no studying for today.  Study everyday, everyday of your fucking life.  Do what needs to be done, do more than needs to be done.  Study at least six hours a day.  You need to study otherwise you’ll fail like last year.  You are smart.  And you can do it.  If you work hard you can achieve anything.  You aren’t born smart, you’re made smart, you can make yourself smart.  (Okay that just sounded a bit derp but whatever).  YOU CAN DO IT.

Sigh.  I feel slightly better and bit lame.  Anyway, I think I’ll do what I told myself to do, because I know that’s what’s best.  Let me learn my lesson by saying that I could’ve been having the time of my life studying Fashion at UTS right now, but because I was stupid, and even though I knew what I should’ve done, I made the wrong decision and now I’m here doing Arts.  Arts is cool, just not for me.  Even though UTS is ugly and stupid, it was better and I should’ve put that as my first choice.  I am an idiot for putting Arts first when the ATAR was so fucking low.  But at least I’m trying to do something, to change it, to be better.  Back to thinking, I will fix my timetable, apply for jobs, find someone to swap shifts with me, and organise my shelves, make a list of stationary to buy, and hopefully buy that tomorrow.

Also I’m having major hair issues and food craving issues I don’t know what’s wrong with me.  Stay strong, me.

Ty,
Just Another Woo Girl

Scrolling through my Facebook timeline

I was scrolling through my facebook timeline, having a few laughs with myself…  I used to post a status everyday, more than one and mostly about Glee, Nick Jonas, food or being bored.  The comments I used to reply sound so dry when I read back on them, even though at the time I was so happy with everything in general, must’ve been my cool, laid back, “idgaf” facebook persona.

But mostly, aside from cheesy lines and some really weird sexual posts, I’m sad that 19 year old me hasn’t achieved anything that 14 year old me once dreamed of.  I posted about wanting to go to Juilliard and going on a gap year to Italy.  All those things of which didn’t  even cross my mind in year twelve.  I mean it occurred to me I could go on a gap year only because some friends were going on a gap year of their own, but to me, it wasn’t a real option.  And even though this year I want to travel, it seems like Italy hasn’t even crossed my mind as an actual possibility.  Before I would’ve gone there, just to Italy, stayed and lived there for a few months and just probably gone back home to Sydney, with a possible spontaneous road trip to the next country.  But now, I feel like I wouldn’t even travel to Italy by itself, I would have to travel all or at least one side of Europe in one go, and that’s only due to money.  But I feel as though, why should money be the reason that I don’t travel to a single place, at this moment in my life?  Is it because I’ve grown up and realised money is essential to actually doing things, for life?  Or is it because I’ve lost the thrill and the dream of travelling for the pure pleasure and new experiences?  Well, I feel that maybe now that I’m five years the wiser (what a long time that is…) I’ve realised that there are restrictions to what I can do.  But then I tell myself, and people say, the only things restricting you are the restrictions you place on yourself.  So if I think of it that way, I can do anything that I want.  In respects to travelling, I guess it’s just a balance between the need for money and the seeking of thrills and experiences.

I just keep thinking of the Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants.  Blake Lively went to Italy, right?  Some European country I think it was anyway.  And for a few months?  Seems amazing.

But onto Juilliard.  Obviously I would never go there, I couldn’t.  I mean, even if I tried for the rest of my life, I doubt I’d make it in.  It doesn’t really appeal to me anymore in that sense.  But is that because subconsciously I’ve set it aside because I think it’s far too out of my league anyway?  Or is it because that career and the passion for singing isn’t with me anymore?  I love singing, is it a passion?  I don’t think I’m good enough to make anything of it anyway, yet I often think about living the life of a popstar, what kind of tolls it would have on me as a person, travelling non-stop for almost a year touring, not seeing friends and family.  Right now I’m studying Arts, and let’s not turn this into another existential crisis about my university course, but obviously it’s not something I want to do or pursue the rest of my life.  And I say pursue, because every career is an endless pursuit, you can always better yourself, learn more, and I feel as though anything or any career that has a distinct ending point is pointless.  I mean, I define a career as a job that is your passion, and a career is something where you always have more to achieve.  But don’t think of it in a negative light where you’ll never finish, because if it’s your passion you never even want it to finish.  You don’t look at is as an infinite number of stages where you’ll never be the best, but you should look at your career as things you have achieved already to get to where you are, and where you are is your best, it’s the best you can be at the point in time, and rather it should excite you that you haven’t reached the end.  Because once you’ve reached the end, you’ve reached the end of your passion, and if it’s your passion, probably the end to any meaning to your life (in that respect, of course you should also have actual people relationships…derp).

Anyway, so what I mean is that, my life right now, it seems all a bit purposeless.  High school is fine, everyone has a purpose, it’s to discover who you are, what you love, what you want to be, and all that.  But university, or whatever it is that you decide to pursue after your usual obligatory years in high school, is supposed to be all the more meaningful, the start of a new era in your life where you can discover yourself surrounded by your passions and the people you actually care about, the time where you really start to grow and learn.  To be honest, I feel like the same person.  Actually, sorry, no I don’t, that just sounded more dramatic.  I mean, I feel different than before, but yet I still feel the same.  Let me think about how so…  I’m not all too sure.  For one, like I said before, I don’t know what my passions are.  But are passions just hobbies that you’ve grown to love and are dedicated to?  Is music my passion?  Is singing my passion?  Is fashion my passion?  (Lol).  Is makeup my passion?  Those are the only things I really like to do for the sake of only that it’s fun and I think I’m pretty awesome.  But I’m can’t sing that high, or that uniquely.  I don’t follow avidly any fashion blogs at all, and I’m not up to date with high end fashion.  And I don’t see how makeup can take me on a never-ending life journey…  Well actually it could, I always imagined it to be like being a celebrity makeup artist, travelling the world with them.  But what would I do when I don’t want to travel around constantly anymore?  Will I become a glorified sales assistant?  Will I start my own makeup school?  Makeup brand?  And also I’ll have to defer or be a college drop out to become a makeup artist.  But this is all silly.  I shouldn’t limit myself.  Why do I have all these doubts.  I should try to be a free thinker.  I will become a free thinker and do what it is I want to do.

Yeah I was going to say something else but I’ve forgotten.  Now that I’ve not even been working I have realised what the lives of the unemployed is truly like.  I mean, I thought I’d experienced it before, but now, I really have.  Last time, I was just going out, having fun.  But this last week, I’ve literally been sitting on my ass all day.  Not even that, lying in bed watching random shit on the internet and scrolling endlessly through newsfeeds.  I’ve feel as though I’ve gotten lazier and lazier now that I have no structure to my life.  And now I can understand the vicious cycle of unemployment and the real will that they all lack to find a job.  I have a resume, yet I haven’t applied anywhere properly yet.  I am the worst.  But I can be better.  I’m still deciding whether I want to work retail, hospitality, or the truly mundane, call centre things.  To be honest, I’d work any if it was high paying (except maybe hospitality, that might be do much physical endurance for me, although it probably has weight loss benefits).  I think I’d most prefer to work high end retail, it’s a higher pay, better work environments, though there’s also much more client care and commitment, which I don’t mind, and probably enjoy.  Call centres and such will probably be much too boring for me, not enough human contact, plus, weird hours.

Oh yes, what I was going to say is that maybe I want to be a psychiatrist, which is linked to my current studies in psychology.  I thought maybe it would be good because you have ongoing relationships with your patients, you get to know them, so you can understand them and truly help them.  You’re helping people in a meaningful way.  But I’m not sure whether I want to because I just finished watched the first season of My Mad Fat Diary.  It’s really good by the way, a British series.  I found out about it on tumblr, and I was like what the hell, I so want to watch this.  It’s about this fat girl who basically ends up with the hottest guy in school, so basically, I can relate and can fantasise about this minute possibility.  Also the guy, Finn, is gorgeous and so cute.  Classic bad boy, with a good heart and is really sweet and actually really kind.  Yeah, so when I saw all these GIFs of it, I was like, huh, these names sound so familiar, and the characters as well.  It looks like this book I bought and read ages ago.  AND IT WAS!!!  It’s the adapted version of My Mad Fat Teenage Diary which I read in maybe year seven.  I loved that book.  I can’t tell if it was actually great or just a good teen drama.  I think it was the latter.  But seriously, watch the whole first season, it’s only six episodes.  At first I was a bit like, this is alright…  But you get to know the characters, it’s a bit like Misfits in the cinematography.  Finn is sexy as fuck.  I cried so much in the last few episodes, that’s how good it is.  Love it.

Anyway, I’m getting two of my wisdom teeth out tomorrow.  I haven’t been dreading it much.  But that’s probably because I’m too stupid to actually imagine and comprehend the read pain I will be in tomorrow.  Stop it, me, I’d rather be half oblivious than wretchedly scared.  Okay fuck, I think I’m getting that TSI or whatever hand thing from typing too much, I really hope I don’t get arthritis in my fingers when I’m older.

I’m going to watch the Lilo and Stitch films now.

G2g,
Just Another Woo Girl

A boring list that you shouldn’t read if you value your life

It’s so weird reading back on some of the blogposts I made last year.  A lot of them had to do with complaining and stressing about assignments, all extremely interesting…  I didn’t post that much either, I mean a few posts down and you’re already back in March in around the first few weeks of uni.  Oh how the excitement has worn off.  Apparently you don’t really talk to other people in tutorials, which I thought you were supposed to and I was some sort of unfriendly weirdo.  I’m not sure I’m looking forward to uni that much this year, I plan to work harder though at least.  But now that I think of it, when I say plan, I really haven’t planned anything yet.  Maybe I’ll make a list right now!!

How I’ll ace uni this year:
1. Fix up a good timetable ASAP when they come out.  And re-evaluate subject choices and arrange timetable accordingly.
2. Order readers online, then pick them up during O-week.
3. Order any textbooks needed online, have them delivered to home.
4. Start readings a week early.
5. Always read lecture slides before the lecture.
6. Revise lecture slides after the lecture.
7. Complete tutorial exercises.
8. Compile written notes of interesting points (especially in Philosophy).
9. Write out summarised notes for psychology, compiling lecture slides and notes with textbook information.
10. Pay attention in lectures and tutorials and take a lot of notes on your laptop! (Which you’ll compile later into written notes, and then typed summaries for exams).

Well that was a boring fucking list.  At least I wrote it somewhere though…

Cya,
Just Another Woo Girl

In a state of oblivion

Am I angry right now? Annoyed? Nope, I’m none of those things. In fact, I feel just a bit like nothingness. I’m in one of those weird states where everything seems like it’s either moving really fast or really slow… I’m writing this on my phone and, I have to say that, it kinda sucks. I have to double space on my phone and it’s weird. And then I’m thinking, fuck, should’ve just made the complete effort to use my laptop which is thirty centimetres away from me. Oh maybe one plus is that it autocorrects or autospells when I can’t be bothered figuring out how to spell a word.

You know what, when I’m marking shit at work and I’m writing a comment at the end, oh man. I have to refrain myself from using words such as incorporate or unnecessary because I’m scared I will spell them wrong. And damn it I’m marking English! I always think its encorporate, but obviously that’s wrong since it just got underlined in red.

So wassup y’all. I just wanna make doe so I can go out and see all my friends. Big ass sigh. Mates went out on Wednesday, last night and were going to tonight (me only for drinks, but no one out of my friends are going anymore).

Let me just say, I have no problem, I’m not angry or annoyed. And don’t think I am just because I stated that I wasn’t. But I do feel bad because it’s my friends birthday. But obviously not bad enough to just go. Am I a bad person? Anyway, some may go but they’ll be going out to da clubz after and I can’t go (once again cos no cab moolah, I want to use an emoticon where my eyes are waterfalls of tears but…I’m trying to be slightly intellectual here, okay?).

Okay, what I really wanted to say from the beginning of that paragraph: I really have experienced the utter awkwardness of going to a party, or a hangout, where you’re friends, but you’re not close friends. I went to this party and yeah, none of my close group of friends were invited (oh my god so popular) and it was okay, but really, it kind of ended up being awks. Okay, maybe you’re supposed to just not feel awkward and pose in pictures, imposing on other people’s close group of friends pictures… Anyway, at one point in the night, I seriously was saying the same damn things and basically clinging on to people, it was so embarrassing. Oh Lordy lord.

Now of course, this is a little different cos they were more apart of all our groups, but still, the same concept applies. Yesterday I spent ten dollars on just junk food, it makes me sad. Oh man, I’m such a broke ass bitch. Sitting here in my bed, at 3:30pm, in some fat ass winter or ski jacket, oh man… Also I can’t get Miley’s new song out of my head since I watched her live performances on YouTube. I forgot what an actually good singer she is, and live as well. To be honest, Selena Gomez sucks live, so I suppose she also kinda just isn’t that great at singing then.

Whatevz.

Laterz,
Just Another Woo Girl

I met Harry Styles in the most amazing dream…again

So I haven’t blogged in a while seeing as I’m extremely busy not studying for exams…  So today I had my first exam for anthropology, which as you know, I’ll probably have failed anyway, and did today.  And last night, I was up till around one am just…looking at really vague revision slides that the lecturer made for the last week.  Kinda helped and kinda didn’t, but turns out, I should give myself a bit more credit, some stuff I did listen to in tutorials did come in handy.  So with an early wake up call at 6:30am that I left till 7am (good job me) I feel asleep exhausted, and went to gain an eventful and blissfully euphoric six hours sleep…

And the dreaming begins…

Much alike any other dream I’ve had, this specific section was dreamt just before I woke up from a pressed bladder.  Anyway, rather than beginning with how amazing and overwhelmed I felt in my dream and when I woke up, I’ll try to begin by recounting this epic love story…

So I was in the shopping centre, not sure which one, and I was with a friend, also not sure who.  Actually I think it might’ve been my sister…  Anyway, we are in the middle of turning the corner to go down the escalator when from the corner of my eye, I see this curly haired cute boy with hipster glasses on.  I’m like, oh my god, is that who I think it is?  I look at him, and he looks back at me.  I look at him half quizzically and he turns back to whatever he’s doing and is trying to be inconspicuous.  I’m not quite sure, I think I say to my sister something like, “Oh my god, I think that’s Harry Styles over there…!!!”  It’s my last chance, as we turn and walk down I call out, “HARRY!!”  He turns and looks up at me!  It is him!!  It’s Harry Styles!!  His effortless bespectacled disguise cannot fool me!  My life flashes before my eyes (okay well this is just author exaggeration, it could’ve happened!).  He shoots me this look as if he’s saying, “Come now if you want to meet me!  Before everyone realises it’s me and crowds me…”, his eyebrows raised, eyes wide and neck jerked slightly forward.  So of course, I make my way hurriedly back to him!!

I’m somewhat swoop up to him and we embrace!  It’s warm and longing, and my arms loop under his arms, around the back of his chest, hugging him so tight!  (Wow, sorry, I feel really lame writing like a fanfiction, but to be fair, this is a real dream I had last night!)  I say something like, “I love you so much!  This is the most amazing moment of my life!!”  Something really cheesy like that, that he hears all the time.  But to be honest, I don’t think I even care.  I am euphoric, my heart is racing, it feels like it’s going to burst from my chest and I can’t stop smiling!!!

I had always thought about what I would say if I met Harry, and the others boys too, trying to think of something memorable, cool and interesting!  But then I realise, that the only reason why I’d want to say something like that is so I can spark up some sort of friendship, when in reality, it will never happen.  But then I tell myself again, you have to believe if you want to achieve!  Be positive and optimistic!  (Or it could be contrarily construed as naive and wishful).

Anyway, back to the dream!  In my dream, Harry was wearing a thin white tee with some sort of black calligraphic drawing on it…so loose yet form fitting, caressing his sexy body.  (Ultimate fanfiction moment).  He says something back to me like, “I love you too.”  I don’t know, I don’t remember what he said to me in my dream, but I’m going to make myself believe it was something as amazing as that and that it really did happen (in my dream I mean, I suppose I could also be delusional and make myself believe it happened in real life, but that’s just crazy).

I’m not sure what even happens, but then some people he knows or I know, or maybe even randoms come up to us (while we’re having an intimate moment) and basically I end up taking a few pictures of Harry and some fans or friends.  I’m handing him his phone or something and we’re standing close…and then I wake up.

Oh lord, when I woke up, it was 6:18am.  I was smiling so much my cheeks hurt!  The dream was so amazing, and incredible, and fabulously intimate I felt as though my heart would burst out of love!  Yet at the same time, I felt so incredibly sad that this may never happen, and I will never even get to experience this utterly epic sensation, it’s unforgettable…  So basically, an overwhelming overload of euphoria and melancholy, as I have described many dreams and moments before…  Oh life.  What a hand you’ve dealt me.  What an amazing dream.  I wonder what will happen the next time I dream about Harry…just wondering makes me smile.

All my love,
Just Another Woo Girl

Mould1001

So yes.  My room is currently the most messy it has ever been, to my recollection.  Now, it’ not even just messy, it’s actually disgusting.  I don’t want to go into all the details because it will just gross you out and make you all think I am really disgusting and messy…  So anyway, as you would’ve known, the past few weeks (maybe not the most recent few) have been hectic with assignments.  Now, it’s not even that I pull all-nighters consecutively before the due date, which would probably be more beneficial, but a single all-nighter before the day I hand it in, whether it’s (not ever) on time or days/weeks after.  So yes, I had the phase with the tim tams.  Recently though, I haven’t been doing that.  I think I may be put off on that for at least a few months.

I’d been drinking a lot of tea in an attempt to boost energy and caffeine levels to no avail.  And so, seeing as these past few weeks I’ve just given up, I had just left these mugs of half drunken tea in my room.  Fermenting, as you will.  To be honest I think they’ve been in my room for maybe two weeks.  And my room is strewn with my clothes because every morning I don’t know what to wear.  I’ve worn this top this week already and I don’t want to look like a dirty hoe who wears the same clothes everyday with obviously no time to wash them.

So anyway, they’ve just been sitting there.  And for some reason just now I decided to finally take them downstairs to the kitchen.  But before doing that I had a tiny peak inside…  EWWWWWWWW MOULD!!!!!!!!  EWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Oh my god it was excruciatingly cringeworthy!  Oh how I cringed!  I saw it and quickly put the lid back on.  As I’m writing this I am cringing, eughhHH!!!!!!  There were like black green circles of mould sitting on the top, and I think the tea had turned into some acidic translucent colour.  Most likely due to the soy milk in it.  Oh so gross.  At first when I looked in I thought it might’ve been the tea bag, but it was peaking out from two ends of the cup, and that was when I realised it was mould and shut it!

I’m not sure, but this might be the most disgusting experience of mould I have ever experienced!  Equalling this other time…

The other time was in probably year eight I think, when I was thirteen.  My mum used to pack me sandwiches for lunch and sometimes I wouldn’t eat them because instead I’d buy something from the canteen.  Usually, one of my friends would be hungry and they’d end up eating my sandwich.  I think on this particular day, I forgot about it and I’d already arrived home from school, the sandwich still in my lunch box.  Of course I couldn’t leave it there, otherwise my mum would’ve gotten me in trouble for not eating and also might’ve made me eat it then and there.  So I snuck it out of my back and stashed it in this massive plastic storage container I had with all these old books and girly files that you’d write in.  And then, I guess I forgot about it.

Sometime later, I don’t really know how long, I opened this container for some reason and holy mother of god, how it stank of death.  Oh man, it smelt so bad, it was sour and strong, like an actual garbage dump.  I opened up the paper bag, and there was the sandwich.  Soooooooo grossssssssssssss.  All mouldy.  Not sure which is more gross, the mould growing on the sandwich or the mould floating on the tea.  Fuck.

Mould is like the one thing that is actively revolting.  It’s not even the type of gross thing that is so gross but you just can’t help looking at it.  It’s the gross thing that is just like eugh, get out of my face and out of my memory.  So bad.

Yeah so I took that downstairs and left it on the counter.  My mum cleaned it.  Lol.  If I was living alone I would’ve just thrown the cups and everything touching it into the garbage bin.  So damn disgusting.  Well, I don’t know what she did with it, maybe she threw it as well.  But I supposed I can’t ever drink from those cups again.  Fml.  Well not really fml, but just so gross.

My room is a mess.  I haven’t started writing the essay that is a substitute.  It was due Friday and now I want to hand it in on Monday before 6pm so I don’t accrue even more than two late marks.  I suck.  And I have work tomorrow…  I’m so bad at work.  I’m just so bad at what I’m supposed to do.  Oh fuck, I am going to fail all my exams.  I can feel it.  I told my mum I want caffeine pills.  She said no…  I must pull an all-nighter on Sunday.  Otherwise I won’t be able to start studying for my exams.  Oh I am going to fail.  

Lol my parents are trying to talk to me right now.  My dad bought me some stuff for my dry skin, oh it’s so dry.  It’s literally like vaseline that he’s bought me.  Lol my dad’s telling my mum that his brother, I think, had a baby and for her to congratulate them or something.  She’s like go away, you’re disturbing everyone.  Because I’m supposed to be studying right now.  I think she’s like, I’m not going to, because they didn’t congratulate her?  I don’t know. Oh right, it’s because they had a baby boy.  And my parents didn’t have a boy.  My mum’s like, I’m the only one who didn’t have a boy, what can I do…  Lol.  I don’t even know.  Kind of depressing really.  Oh well.  Oh well.  Oh well…

Eugh I think they wanted me to be a boy.  Oh well.  Eugh, I think I would’ve made a particularly ugly boy.  I don’t know, it’s much easier for a girl to improve their looks with makeup but for boys, it’s au naturale.  Meh.  I wonder how I would be if were a boy.

Anyway, I should try and get back to my essay which I haven’t done.  I haven’t even read the articles yet.  Fuck.

Cya all,
Just Another Woo Girl

Today I saw my future self

Today, in fact I think even maybe this very second as I sit on the train defeated, I’ve seen my future self. I mean maybe face wise. It’s not good. My face has deteriorated and can no longer hold itself up. My eyes are puffy. I don’t want to get old. More specifically, old and ugly. Don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing wrong with getting old. Of course except that I’d rather be young forever. But I think we can all agree that me and my features will not withstand the test of time. And as they all say, Asians deteriorate at an increasingly steep rate all of a sudden. There are heaps of attractive old, and by old I mean grannies, out there whose features still seem to peer through the wrinkles and sagginess. I, however, have a dire future ahead of me. Oh my god. Seriously, I don’t think I want to live if everyday I have to see myself with wrinkles and slowly watch my youth seep slowly from my being. As if everyday I were to wake up and know that another little particle of myself is gone forever.

Obviously this is a rather extreme and superficial outlook on life. But let me be clear, this is only how I see life in the far future from this very moment. It’s almost impossible that I will keep this perspective as I continue to mature and grow, my mind that is.

Why can’t I have it all? I watched some interviews of Aaron Johnson on YouTube and wow has he aged. But he’s still young, he’s supposed to be around 22 or something. But he’s got all crows feet around his eyes. And yes, crows feet are from smiling a lot but, how? Is his wife sucking the youth out of him? Ah yes, that is quite cruel of me and I can try and suppress these superficial thoughts but no matter what, I think it anyway which means there’s no point trying to hide it from everyone. The only reason you would hide thoughts like these is to prevent people from thinking badly about you, that’s self preservation and image issues. But then that can decay your relationships so really, I should keep things like that to myself. But in my defence, everyone is thinking it and they said it about Britney Spears and Madonna…so yeah.

Also the lady who I thought could be my future self was chomping down on a sushi in a single bite. I don’t do this but…I probably would if I was by myself. It’s like how I don’t eat my pork roll unless I’m by myself or with people who I don’t care what they think. That didn’t really make sense but my brain is hurting right now…

It was also awkwardly hot today. It’s winter now and I’m wearing a long sleeve chiffon shirt with a short sleeved sweater over with my anorak. I stepped out of the door today and immediately it was hot. But I didn’t have time to go back and was half an hour late to my lecture anyway…. I don’t even know. I can’t even deal with this sociology essay even though it’s a substitute. This is bad. I really can’t find any good articles. Not even good-but relevant articles!!!!!!!!

I’m tired.

Bye,
Just Another Woo Girl

Don’t try and tell me you don’t want to see what it would be like to grow old with me

YOU’RE IN LOVE EVERY OTHER DAY COS YOU SMILE AT ME LIKE YOU’RE DYING TO SAY THAT YOUR HEARTBEAT STOPS WHEN I’M WALKING AWAY SO DON’T WALK AWAY – YOU’RE IN LOVE!

Imagine drinking wine incessantly and you’ll be kissing me on New Years Eve…

I’m listening to You’re In Love by Betty Who thanks to Tyler Oakley!  It’s been stuck in my head all day but for some reason I’ve got to listen to it on SoundCloud because shitty iTunes won’t let me put it on my phone without syncing…  It’s such an eighties sound and I love it.

Anyway, I literally can’t find any fucking articles on Google Scholar for my substitute sociology assignment and it’s really getting me frustrated and angry!  My breathing is stressed even while I’m typing this!  I’m using all the relevant key words but nothing good comes up!  I’ve got two articles which are alright…

I’m sitting in the law library and when I walked in, it was so quiet.  It was scary.  My friend even wanted to go into the Cone of Silence, the ‘quiet study area’.  I’ve read all the confessions and spotted things on facebook and people get dirties for turning a page too loudly, and breathing.  No way was I going in there.  My friend had described this such phenomenon to me before, and she said that during the day time the sun shone directly from above the cone (there’s like a massive sun roof) and it’s as if there’s a godly beam of light streaming down that should be accompanied by an “Ahhhhhhhh!”

Anyway, I should get back to studying again seeing as this is my substitute assignment.  I was at my sociology lecture today with Salvatore, he is the greatest lecturer ever because he is so kind!!  Everyone says that sociology is really easy, and I can’t really say because I haven’t done the work, but the real reason why it’s so easy is because of Salvatore!  He is so kind and sympathetic!  Basically the exam is multiple choice and really simple and straightforward, unlike the psych exam which is full of tricks.  And the lowest mark you can get is 40/100!  Even if you get zero you’ll still get 40% because he says, that even in an essay, if you actually attempt it properly but it’s crap you won’t get under 40.  Only if it’s not a real attempt will you get under!  So that makes me feel a whole lot better!  So great!  But kind of annoying some two guys behind me kept remarking how they were getting HDs and how Salvatore was nice.  Just shut up, or learn how to whisper.  You know you’re doing it right when no one else can hear you.  And obviously they were doing it wrong.

My friend was like, what are you doing? (while I was typing).  I said, “writing in my blog.”  She like, “Oh, that’s why you were typing so fast.”  I don’t think I could ever even imagine myself typing so fast when writing an essay.   Eugh, even thinking about writing an essay in an exam is giving me anxiety!  I literally know nothing about anything.  Life.

Oh my god Game of Thrones last night.  Fuck, it was crazy!  But so perfect.  The credits with the silence, godly.  We were discussing it, as you do, and basically I was like to my friends, don’t tell me, no spoilers!  And they continued to talk about it ‘without spoilers’ but they spoiled it.  I never want to talk about Game of Thrones with anyone it fucking ruins everything.  And then they try to take the spoiler back, but they can’t.  Eughhh!!!!  Erks me man.

Also, I was gonna watch Gatsby with my old tutoring class but now they’ve all seen it, and I don’t really want to watch it by myself (technically not true).  Life.  Oh life.

I can’t do uni.  Mehhhhhhhhhhhh.

Cya,
Just Another Woo Girl

My foreboding absent fail

So not to bore you all completely, just a quick update on those two essays, substitute one is still not actually started. And I think I’m getting an absent fail for anthropology. Tomorrow is the date, the entire day, that the first of the essays are being handed back. So I’m just going to forfeit this semester and hand myself over to fate. Who knows, I might get a substitute essay after the semester if I achieve a specifically low or high score… So sleep tight all.

Night,
Just Another Woo Girl

P.s. Fuck you iTunes. You’re shit.